Now you're a song i love to sing/editted

Staying at home sucks. But these songs, SAYA SUKA. (btw imeem palui ytah lambat loading okay)

These songs are not for those who hate this-is-nice-for-sleeping kind of song- my kind of song. I just love the soft rhythm. Love T.

Jason Reeves and Colbie Caillat.- Droplets.

You are like the raindrops, the raindrops falling down on me






Jason reeves- Reaching.

i'm trying but it's all that i can do.
i'm reaching but the rest is up to you..






Colbie Caillat- Out of my mind.

I Saw you just the other day,those feelings never went away





Pastu pastu, Hope- My greatest memory.


Looking out my hotel window I see cars racing by
Everybody’s going somewhere




Out.

lalalalalalala.

bear with me. and my random posts. I'm waiting for my actified and erythromycin pills to work. (and i mean doze off)

Googled what erythromycin is used for and i found its usualy used to treat respiratory tract infection. =/ (bye bye batuk and sakit leher) courtesy of wikipedia. AND. its also treats outbreaks of chlamydia, syphillis, acne and gonnorhorea. Not that i need any for the STD's but acne too?? Haha. Siuk eh antibiotic ani. *gila*



lalalalalala.



Maybe i should watch jumong again while waiting for sleep time.


Saya mahu pergi ke Bali! Tapi sadly... dirct flight to bali from brunei will end this month. Saya mahu pergi ke vietnam. Nada dangan. Saya mahu pergi ke korea. Nada usin. Saya mahu pergi kemana saja.... sigh... saya mahu pakai kereta bersama rakan rakan ke Kucing ka or Sabah ka. Kan seronok. Tapi saya gerenti mereka tak di lepas pergi. i want more travel.

Molding a whole new mask.

For those who can see something but not everything in me. You know who you are.


I say what i want to. Trying hard to put up another facade. But deep inside... not you not me but only god knows.


Because i can't even listen to what my heart told me to do.




Because a day or two feels empty without u....but do u feel the same way too?

Just when i needed a break.

I have to put up with some colourful pills for the next 5 days. (awu baru ku ke spital bah) Have i mentioned that i just love antibiotics? Because it kills bacteria?? But this time...its just to big to swallow. =/ Oh yeah. You might not know this from the way i try to convince people to take in medications when they're sick, but i just hate pills. I HATE IT. The second last time i had a terrible fever... i literally threw my pills everytime i had to take it in. (and everyone was wondering why i was not cured even after visiting the hospital and a few private clinics. heheee. shh.) Might as well get a whole new immune system- a stronger one.

Awu. I think this is one of the effects of greenhouse gases. The air here in Brunei (if you'd notice) has not been very clean lately. Stupid people commit open burning here and there. Just being plainly stupid. And its irritating my throat. Stupid. Yes i am pissed at how idiotic this people can be.

AND. i will be away from Brunei (again) starting next week to the land of Kangaroos (again). I know you'll miss me. Just when i need a break from everything that has been going on in Brunei, opportunity knock on my door.

I really want to go to Lancelin again. The place where i could just be lost in the cool breeze. Or maybe this time i could go to Rottnest island and just sit down and ponder over things. No, i have nothing in particular to do over there. But i just want to go there. Maybe that way i would learn to keep some love for myself too before i would love everyone else.

Now, i just wish over that few days... miracles would happen- a ticket to dunedin would fall from the sky on to my hands.

Replay.

This is like Nsync/BSB all over again. Or even DBSK during their very young-kurus-nonmuscular- kiddies-bad-hair days. The SM factory has once again debuted a band with pretty pretty little boys. And for once, i didn't think it was that overrated. I mean..i find Suju overrated despite my constant nice talks about the very witty heechul (don't you just love him in variety shows?) I'm tired of korean singing groups. So no i don't listen to BB (though i have to admit tae yang bod is hot) or jewellery (i can't even describe their image) or that wondergirls (the song was a little okay but wth is jyp turing them into?) This is not applicable to FTTS or DBSK because they just melt me =p

I hate the MV of this song. What is with the start? a bowl-haired boy in the middle doing a squat like dance. And what's with their outfits? And and the hairstyles??Bida bah banar. Okay. The name of this group is Shinee. The oldest is younger than i am, though 18, and the youngest is younger than my brother- awu 14 kah 15 yrs. So i forgive their image now. DBSK didn't debuted as hot as they are now anyway. Style changes with maturity.

But but. I JUST CAN'T STOP REPLAYING THIS SONG. Catchy.




Profiles and MV0:22-0:30 - Jong Hyun 17 yrs old0:31-0:39 - Ohn Yoo (leader) 18 yrs old0:45-0:49 - Key 16 yrs old1:25-1:27 - Min Ho 16 yrs old1:40-1:41 - Tae Min 14 yrs old

Google up their info on your own. I can just tell you that the first one to appear in the mv is jong hyun and i love him. So does the rest of korea. I can share him just like i shared JJ with the rest of the world...baik hati ku atu =p And the one wearing a red cap...i think he looks like the male Yoon Eun Hye. But the one that has wierd eye bro, the one with black leather jacket (terpikat ku suara nya), his name is Key. He's 16. And I dun care. He's mine! lalalalala.

Ps- DBSK is still my number one. And my Micky YC =p these blisters are killing me. It hurts when i talk. And that's only when i have a voice to talk. Bah i should be sleeping.I'll try to sleep again. Maybe if i sleep...i'll forget the pain. I'll try. Again.

18 and legal and WE are teaching him stuffs.

Sniff. Terharu saya. Akhir nya. Our little baby byl is growing up into a man. You have a reason to break the curfew. Or talk about 'stuffs'. Or go on a dangerous driving. Yay.

Just knew him during my form 6 years. And now he's my little brother (although i have to say he acts more like the older one to me...xp) Sorry for the times you listen to my rants when i never even listen to yours.

Ingat kah kamu saat itu. Saat kita masih innocent? From left: Mr K (one of the 'they' jua jgn tah kan capi), Babu A, the birthday boy, Bz and T)

Anyways, we did give him a birthday surprise in advance. =) And byl. I drove you to places even JPMC *eye bro. Now its your turn. Aku malas berpantun. bah sedikit ja eh.

Tahu kami ko menghitung hari,
sayu menanti saat-saat ani,
benar katanya blajar tah driving B,
jgntah kan ya (yg 'nda bwa' lesen), aku lagi boring ni.

Now and forever. Will be. Together. Just like last year. Or last two years. Or today. Or tommorow. Age is just a number. What matters is how we are or will be. Jangan bersedih ya. Kami sentiasa bersama mu walau apa pun.

Ps- bah we are ready to teach you ways to become 18. Take your pick. Teacher mana ko mau.

Blurting crap at my best when the body is at worst.

I'm sick of being sick. Okay so let me count how many times this year i lost to this damn bacteria...1,2,3...urgh come on immune system.. wake up and get that plasma cells going! I really hate Vitamins (which mum made me drink it just now) I need sleep. But i just started Cashmere Mafia.

Btw, i need a new trick. I totally lost to the inda-ku-ingat-dimana-driving-lesen-ku trick. =p capi banar.

I love talking to my tuition students. It amazes me at the extent these social youths can go at such a tender age. sex and booze? Wow... we really are an expert at covering such sight that i didn't even realise how hardcore the this country's social scene can be. And they talk about it like its their life. Just as long as i'm not involve, the people close to me are not involve...i dun really care. Its their life, their lungs and liver, their innocence they are spoiling. Blah.

Sama sama saya berasa sangat gembira. Since i'm well known to be 'masin', predicted a few topics that might come out in Bio A2 paper 4 to my friends. And most of it came out. YAY. I need to make a prediction booth. One kiss one prediction. Oh wait that sounds wrong.

Wait...one more thing. While going through Shia Lebouf pictures, i was thinking...he really has grown up. I mean grow. into a man. Hot. Not the chain smoking part. But the bod. Why was i going through his pictures. Lets just say... sekali sekala. =p Nites.

When the heart is lost in a maze. I'll go where the wind blows.

Tiqah buang tebiat.

I need scientific reasons. Rambut ku macam mikin ikal. I mean...i can accept that nowadays my hair is quite wavy when its dry and all but just now i just realise that its also wavy when its wet. I was born with straight hair (awuuu bnr nya i missed my straight hair bah. Macam org jeles kali ah rambut ku lurus bnr dulu waktu belum baligh =p) hahah. scratch that. But yes... i was born with straight hair. And as i get older...it starts to curl... and not to mention getting lighter in colour. Bah all you scientific freaks out there, i want an explanation. I've read somewhere that straight hair comes from round follicles and wavy, from oval follicles. Mutate kah cells ku ani?? Am i going to end up like Einstein? ohh wait..now i remember. Some people are born with curls but as they get older it straightens. hmmm.

mind me. Mind this post. I'm sick. Coughing like an old lady. kejangkitan Dibah =p hahah (possible kah tu?) And i'm having ielts tommorow. aku ne buang tebiat bah ne.

Plus i need to decide between Aberdeen and Reading.... argh.

And please stop asking me about something you all been trying to ask. (mcm ku inda tau dri tadi dh ah ytah mbari malas kan online) Ngalih ku jawab. Why do i have to be the side where people ask questions...adakan is kerana saya adalah perempuan jadi kamu fikir saya tidakkan gigit kamu? =p you're wrong. hahahah. Nites/pagi.

ps- i totally didn't prepare for ielts. =S

Aku sedih.

(straight forward kan title ku atu =p kadang2 biarlah kita ketepikan teka teki) haha.

Reminder: Jgn kan nangis mbaca post ani. Tau ku tu sapa yg kan nangis atu.

AKU KUSUT. Yes, something was in my mind just now that i had to sleep to ward it off. Well some of you would know what i mean. The last time i doubted over my chosen course was because of that place. I mean i've heard the fun fast paced (travel) lifestyle of those who worked there and for someone like me (who totally loves fun fast paced travelling lifestyle), it really shook my integrity.

Well actually... i'm lying.

That was not the only one that made me kusut. The 'good news' made me a little sad just now. No, its not that i am unhappy. Its just that, i feel like the closer we are in reaching our dreams, the closer we are to seperation. Meeting them has become a part of my routine. A friend of mine who is far away tried to console saying that we'll still be with each other no matter how far we are. True. I just can't stop thinking of how to adapt a life the when people close to you, ones you have lunch with everyday, drive with you, sing/shout with you, laughed or even argued, the ones who gave you an advance or belated birthday party, are far from you.

The recent happenings have made me think- what if i was in her place? I'd totally freak out to death. Knowing the person i am, i will not stop thinking of whether they have been thinking of me too or am i the only one who loves clinging to the past when every one is moving on to the future. I told her some of my thoughts since i've been keeping to much to myself. That friend of mine also told me... sooner we will meet with each other. And i ask when? 5 years later? Will how we are right now still be the same? Or will we change? Obviously, we will make new friends and well hide.. things from each other (guilty =p). So 5 years from now can we still sit in the same table, watch tv casually while trying to tie a cherry tip inside our mouth (to find out who's the better kisser) and each picking a sofa to sleep when you're full from cheesecakes?

Well now you all will probably realise T is a very emotional person but i can't help it. Even the thought of it made my heart heavy. And before you know it, these tears have already blurred my new glasses. When that friend of mine left, there was a hole inside our lives. And everything we do, we do for her- every picture poses or even every song. What will happen when everyone go different paths? There will be no enough songs to fill this gap inside my life. Like she said, berkawan biar seribu...sahabat hanyalah a few. True what she said. We can still email each other and ask news...but it won't feel the same won't it? ='(

Somehow, as ecstatic as i am to start a new journey.... i am not ready. For all these while we've spent so much to protect this circle, even when you have to sacrifice something to do so. I am not ready to start a journey that might take me away from the people.

And i really love the way we are now. Tell me we can still be the same 5 years later.

I want to spend every waking moment to see smiles and hear laughters. .....and let me keep the rest to myself.

and fyi.


for the amount of tears i lost from reading that one particular blog.


my mind was not in the right places already.


so i'm sorry for pissing you off with words..

clearly....i must be joking.

I AM SORRY FOR BEING SENSITIVE.
but i can't help it but that's just the way i am.





I GUESS I WAS AN ANNOYING PERSON AFTER ALL.
but saying dalang was just a mere talk. i never meant it that way. if you knew so much than you'd know we blame ourselves so much that we want to MEND.




I NEVER MEANT TO BLOW YOU UP.
the post was a joke to the others because i told them to look at my blog tonight! now who's the sensitive ones. can't you even sense a tint of humor in there?? hah.





BUT YOU DID ANYWAY.
is it too hard just to tell stuffs when u did the same to others- ask them?!







SOO I AM SORRY FOR BEING ME.


but can u just for once let just pretend not to be mad for tommorow?? lets not spoil this okay.
and i mean it when i said i'm sorry.



fak it man. Is tommorow on or not?

Brunei drift. editted.

T is officially a rollercoaster driver. Can't say much about it. tapi siuuk bah driving ani. haha udah atu. It is tiring though. I paid off my sleep debt last night. Awu batah ku tido.

I want pictures. mana tia gmbar aa! (mun inda bnyk mua ku jgn tah =p) hehe.

I don't have any pics. Incase you forgot... org yg slalu drive kan aku lari laju ke passenger seat. And yang lain jua. Inda ku dpt yoo ambil gmbar time driving. Driver berhemah bah ne O=p


Pictures are here =D haha i had fun taking pictures.

Clearing up these clouds.

I know. I realised. I've been emo in my last few posts. I am fine bah peeps. I know some of you can't decipher what i meant and are worried. Ytah i want to make this clear to those who keep on telling me to spill.

I've noticed that a friend of mine is moody for the past few days/weeks. And i just kept thinking and feeling terrible because i can't stop thinking if she's like that because of me, I feel guilty. I hate it so much when someone is in a bad mood. Because i live for their laughters. And like the usual me....i'll think so much about it.

I don't know what to do. I mean...its okay if person A choose not to tell me but i just can't stop but feel helpless. I mean its tiring for me to see someone close to me moody and they didn't say anything to me.

So to those who told me not to keep it to myself, i'm sorry. If you know me well, you'll know how such things affect me. i am not in a bad mood for something else. I just hate to see the people around me frown. I feel helpless when such things happen. I know some people told me not to think so much when someone is not in a good mood but entah... maybe that makes one of my character. Inda ku dpt bh inda worry. Aku ini aku. hehe =)

And let me keep the rest to me.

love, T.

Beautiful pretences

My mind was all mixed up. I feel exhausted. Tired of what's going on.


So i wanted to drive. Alone. Fastly. 120km/hr or more through the highway.

Then, they tagged along. They gave me the scream of the week (or at least i gave them the scream of the week). I love speed. It kills all chaotic feelings. We gave ourselves a shock to the heart with T's roller coaster and that woke me up a bit.

They might just tagged along for fun. They might not know it but the long drive really relieved me. Because it reassured me that despite our beautiful pretences, i can still shout and scream and laugh as loud as i want with them.



Thank you.

Start my engine and drive. Far far away.

Gelisah di hati, tiada siapa yang tahu.

I am ready. To leave the picture. If that is the answer, i will go.


Only god knows how hard it is to smile when everything is pulling you down.


I feel tired. I want to sleep.


Susah hati. Since when has it became so complicated. All i want is laughters all around me, and yet i can feel it when its forced. All i want is to make the people around me happy, and yet i think i have failed.


I'm tired of running. And yet i am still running.

Random. Insomniac.

3.08pm- feeling a little down. Okay a lot down. At this point i have no idea what to do. I feel lost.


Google up the word Ryan Higa or How To Be An Emo. This dude is faking funny. Made saya punya pagi a bit.

and my mum did email me about the ilmu hitam melalui telefon..blabla

Far did mentioned something about that- hidup mati di tangan tuhan. But just be extra cautious, such things can go through the telephone frequency. I've heard about using telephone as a medium to do such things long ago. (years ago i think). But funny thing is...if its an outside number..it should appear as 'unknown' won't it? hmm.

And and RR got a new clerk. YAY. Inda lagi ada org utk sukati cari kesalahan saya.

Pagi. Cant sleep. Aku tidur di kerita bah tadi.

I've tried.

Flyover me. =p

I too, am 18, have my own liscence and enjoy bejaur. I think the rest of my free times (until i go into further studies) will mostly be spent on the road. Btw... driving is undeniably tiring. Mum had to stop me 3/4 of the way to Miri because i was almost running over everything on the side of the road. hehehehe yes i can't help myself. I was mentally exhausted due to the oralS, physically exhausted due to lack of sleep and emotionally exhausted due to...well i am always emotionally exhausted (kalau inda onda tah ku mental =p haha) Sesungguhnya aku inda membawa oleh cuma debu miri aja. Esuk tah kamu melap ah debu miri dri keta ku.

Where it starts.

A pit stop. Kerita ku beulah.

Going beyond the border.

The long ride babeh. I'm loving it. (especially Miri's flyover...mcm maan...siukk drive sana)

The lunch. 2 ringgit labih brunei ganya! mcm mbari nyanyat.

The queue at astro. (btw bangunan nya siring parkson/bintang plaza tu.)

Apparently the new cards have not arrived yet from KL so we have to go to Miri again to get the new cards when it arrives which might be next week. In the mean time, they have switched on our astro back so we have astro again. yay. And speaking about bintang plaza...i saw a poster saying that HUJAN will perform there on the 31st of may at 4.30 pm (haha membaca jua udah tu=p) Iski ku eh kan kemiri gi. It was fun driving because the Miri-ans also drive recklessly so they can't blame us or sumpah2 mun kerita drg asak2 atau nda bagi jalan... Hahahahahahaha. Org brunei sik pandai driving bah.

Hoping that this would just fly away with 120km/hr speed..it didn't.

Life on wheels.

9.58am

I just had my IELTS oral test this morning.Argh. I did badly i think. I fakked it.I mean.. how am i supposed to speak english so much when i just had a malay oral the day before? I am terrible at balancing.

And after this i am going to Miri with mum and my youngest bro. We have to change our old astro card. (astro miri bah kami ah bukan astro brunei). We can't live without astro hahaha.



oh....when it comes to going somewhere far...did you think i would just seat on the passenger's seat? =p hell no. haha. I'm driving down to miri! weeee.

9.58 am (i did this in less than one minute??) wow. salam.

Siuk ah berada dlm kereta ani.

I've been trying to upload the videos for amal....tapi lagging banar! nda mau ah. Nnti tah cuba lagi. Letih I driving =p. So to compensate (since org ani suruh org atu delay kan post nya) here are a few pics. Yesterday marks the first time for someone to drive to gadong (and balik):

Enjoying my time at the passenger seat. Macam batah dh ku inda duduk passenger seat kan *sindir*

The perfect first time parking at Gadong. =p amalkan selalu ya.

Went to watch movie with Bz and Byl too tetapi inda smpat gambar durang sbb drg dtg tarus dri periksa practikal. All the best to the rest of the papers nanti lagi. Bah nites. Saya kan tidur. Sasak ku nunggu youtube lagging ah.

Getting there.

Honestly, i haven't eaten rice since yesterday. I feel like vomiting when i eat. AWU i was extremely nervous bebeh. Anyways, i slept late last night memorising ministers/deputies bla bla. And i woke up feeling so nervous. Bz told me i looked pale. I was the forth on the list and this is how just now went (summarised- its too tiring to tell everything):


1) Borak borak pasal ada kekosongan kah inda Botanist di Brunei.

2) Baca fahaman psl keganasan israel terhadap palestin ah

3) Berikan 2 isi penting dri text pastu berikan pandangan dayang mengenai pandangan barat terhadap Islam. (gilaa membual ku yo)

4) Berikan pandangan dayang mengenai kejadian september 11 (aku terckp bah ytah soalnya ani...ytah membual tia ku g)

5) Apa makna 'relevan'. Pastu apa makna 'berdaya saing'. Bagaimana tu contoh nya berdaya saing ah (ytah aku tabak saja)

6) Berikan maksud MIB (ya mau apa yg ku paham sal MIB). Pastu ada g lah soalan sal MIB.

7) Pasal bulan bulan islam

8) Berikan nama penuh serta gelara raja isteri, pengiran muda mahkota, menteri pendidikan.

9) kalau jumpa menteri pendidikan apa cemana tani bahasa kan diri.

10) Berikan 5 sultan brunei

11) Kna tanya pasal sultan bolkiah.

Actually we did talked about things too but its too personal to talk about it in here xp. Ya saya berborak tadi bersama tukang oral ah. My advice...just look friendly and talk confidently. I hope we all can get this amin. Goodluck to the others who'll be having theirs.

I have ielts oral to worry about tommorow. =S

AKU ORAL ESUK AND I HAVE LESS THAN 24 HOURS TO PREPARE!

I, too, have some pictures to be posted. And some stories. Nah sini tah kamu mbaca apa yg terjadi pda hari ini: B's and K's. But my today basically went like this:

Fetched Mr K and then Bz. And we went to JPD to get Mr K's Issued driving liscence. Oh how i like (yesss now i can seat on the passenger seat =p). While waiting at JPD, Mas jumped on us with her happy face saying, "I PASSED." Congrats Mas for passing her driving test. Maybe this is a month of driving tests. Anyways, after that we went to cat breeder, kadai, my grandma's house (where something spooky happened) and finally our usual stop: Byls house. And lastly... the ride to MS, Bz's house and K's house where i sat on the passenger seat. Awu...K yang memandu =p. When we were still at JPD, i recieved a call that sounded like this:

Org moe: ani dri bahagian dermasiswa bla bla.. lisan pada hari Khamis 15 hb Mei.

Aku: errmmm esuk ka?

Org moe: awu


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.


PAGI LAGI TU. Mcm i have less than 24 hours to chew and swallow everything..all the MIB and stuff.


ytaaah trus emergency baca MIB and nama2 menteri. Thx to Cikgu K for the MIB books and to Cikgu Bz for helping out and to everyone yg ada disiring ku time ku gagaran bnr. Good luck to you guys yg practical esuk. Bah my mind is all...seri pekerna..seri lela...pehin jawatan luar...right now.

Wish me luck. Mudahan tah sanang. Amin. Mudahan tah ku dpt scholarship atu. Amin. Mudahan tah tani suma dpt scholarship atu AMIN.


Mengusut. Beruri. Nebes. Hantap.

Terkejut.

Is it true what i had just read? Is everything posted on dalila's blog dated 30 March true?

Someone i knew. Someone who had taught me. I can't remember the last time i saw him. And just today..one + month after he's gone...i just knew.

Alfatihah to Coach Azan. May he rest in peace.


Yes...how many coach azan are there in Brunei? terkejut.

Don't read. Don't ask.

My mind has been in a chaotic state for a few days now. Don’t look at my facade. It’s just a cover to everything that has been disturbing my thoughts. Just a piece of my chaotic thoughts- I wonder why the people close to me can see in someone else more than what they can see in me. And yet the people not so close to me can see in me more than I can see in myself. It hurts when anyone else can tell stories about something and the others enjoy it thinking there will be some special meaning while i can’t do the same because i am still denying.


Have they chose sides?


Or have they seen but decide to ignore it?


Either way it hurts me more than you think. I know more that you’d think I do. When you’re hurt, i feel like crying. But.. as much as i want to, i can’t throw it away. Maybe it's true what someone said, I am a selfish bitch. That is why i am running. Because someone i hold close to my heart told me i am selfish. However, my legs have become tired. I don't know how far i can run anymore.


No the crazy driving can’t kill off these thoughts. Neither could our last karaoke session. I feel terrible.


Don’t ask. Nites. Salam.


running far far away.

Blowing the candle.

10th May was Islam's 20th Birthday so today we planned a small surprise party for her.

It all started when Bz texted Islam to come over her house to revise something. And everything falls into place and our surprise was a success!

Mr K and i bought a cheese-cocktail cake at Makcik Bakeshop (with 5 cherries =p haha) and also drinks. Our journey took us here and there around the shops in gadong.

(left to right) Miss T- yang berhormat dayang perasa dan pembasuh pinggan, Bz- yang berhormat puan penasihat dapur, Mr B- yang berhormat awang pengupas bawang dan Mr K- Yang berhormat awang penggaul masakan dan pembasuh pinggan. HAHAHA. We went to Buz house 2 hours before Islam came. My car was parked at Buz's grandma's house to avoid suspicion and we helped in the kitchen. This is our kitchen team =p *kicks gordon ramsay's ass*

Simple food was prepared and Buzz went out to fetch Islam while the three of us wait with our cake. We were palpitating heavily-nervous-waiting for her =p HAHAH kami plang nervous.. And when islam came... BAAA! HEPI BDAY TO U! She was sooo surprised. yess.

Happy 20th Islam.

After that, we indulged. (i am so tired to upload all so u can just look at Mr K's blog for our pictures where we looked so high on cake)

Selepas itu kami memanyap makanan. Mereka bertiga menjadi tukang lap lap pinggan.

While saya membasuh lagi...almaklum.. YB dayang pembasuh pinggan kali ah. Sbnr nya Mr K, YB awang pembasuh pinggan pun ada bah tapi saya terluan sibuk kan mbasuh pinggan sehingga tidak terambil gambar nya.=p Banar2 ya menggasa pinggan jua kamu haha.

Us chilling before our usual session.

Which ofcourse was KARAOKE =D hehehe (and...i don't usually sit as ganas as that =p HAHAHAH) We bought new karaoke cds...fun babeh. Ofcourse we took video of the scene where we shocked islam but that will be posted later. And Amal... the video is especially for you. (wait till we figure out how to post it here.)

Until then. Nites. Salam. KAN TIDO KU BAHH.orang atu tido dah ah.

Pause,

Something is bothering my mind.

I feel bad. I am a terrible person. I am damn selfish. argh. Just when i thought i have sorted things out, everything falls back into chaos. I am pausing. For this while, i have been clicking the pause button. And its not easy to do so.

And i refuse to water the plant..yet it grows bigger and the roots are getting deeper. Now..can the pot contain its growth any longer.. Maybe not.

off to bed. I need a good lets-forget-everything-and wake-up-with-a-smile sleep.

As beautiful as the smile of a mother.

11 May- Mother's day.

One for the person who was always there for me for all these years, raised me to be the person i am now and the one who has given everything even when she knows she has nothing much to give. The other is for the person whose smile is my strength for living, someone whose patience i admire and one who has not stop loving even though being hurt.

I went to granma's house just now. I haven't seen her in a short while and somehow, i can feel that she was holding her tears while hugging me. It made me thought...when you have someone to protect and love, no matter how painful it is to go on, you'll still walk, laugh and live.

god bless my heart with strength, just like you blessed them with a heart of diamond.

A long stormy, spooky ride.

Read this post before you continue. Now you read my part of story. Its been 4 days after my having issued driving licence, and i'm driving like a mad girl (literally =p). But like K said, indeed last night was crazy. (in a different way..not in a roller coaster way) fyi...i still get lost easily. That is why i need someone who knows direction sitting next to me. banar.. di anggrek pun ku sasat bah.

Last night, before the meeting i was supposed to pick K and Bz. The ride to K's house was okay. But then on the way to bz, i remembered about the 'spooky dolls' being sold buzz told us and i said, "mana ya K ah..atu ah." Despite telling me not to say a word about it, he was the one who looked for it and say, "ni tiq di sini.." No, i refuse to look at it. The simpang through Bz's road (where i saw 'something' last year was fine). Note that it was also where Bz's car suddenly stop and saw the same thing. But it was fine.. until the simpang to her house where i lost control of the break. (yes the first one yg si K teriak 'breakkk')

Then after picking Bz, went to the meeting, ate lots of mee tiaw, switch cars with my mum's Kia caren (because like i said vios break doesn't work well)...yada yada. Now i have 4 people to send home: Shar, D,Bz and K. Shar was the first because he lives in Gadong. Then D in Lambak. Then Bz (because i don't want to go to her place alone). And the last one was K so if anything spooky, he will see it with me too.

BUT NO. I DIDN'T SEE THAT PERSON OUTSIDE THE HOUSE. Bz was sleeping. K was at the front. It was Bz turn to be sent home. That's when i heard K said, "subhannaallah." I was curious so i looked at him. He was staring so sharply to the house right next to me that it freaks me out to even look at him. Outside Bz's house, K changed the radio to mengaji. (since the other stations won't work) If there is someone outside the house, i would've seen it on the way because my eyes wander too that night. NO K. I didn't see someone siram bunga.

Actually, i do saw something but i was thinking it was probably someone riding a bicycle. Masa kan kluar simpang 4 Bz to B's way, i saw someone riding a bike cross infront of me fastly. The ride to K's home was probably scary because it was raining heavily and i couldn't see that well. I was going 40km/hr man! After K, i went a little faster like 60 because the rain stopped. While going back to my place, i continuously recited the ayat kursi. Because the there was a few cars left that late night and i remembered my mum told me to read it so that we will not see things that will danger us..mcm kna tutup ka apa mata tani, kna confuse ka apa.

When i reached salambigar traffic light, my car was the only car there. Kamu tau kan yg traffic yang kan turun bukit sikit atu arh umah hayley (taman kianggeh ah). Yatah i was thinking of something that made me stop reciting the ayat kursi. Ytaah at that veryy moment ayat kursi ku terputus, from my side mirror i saw two 'person' crossing the road (arh yg slightly hilled). I'm pretty sure one was old. But i am not sure if what i saw is real because to the left...was nothing but trees.

I reached home at 12 midnight thank god safe and sound. And told my mum about vios break and my mum told me....it was fine when she rode it. My question is...what happened to my break right after looking for the spooky dolls and the meeting?

Random morning.

Glad to know someone is better today.

Anyways, i actually wanted to post this yesterday but since i was so tired, i cancelled it. While talking with Mul about interviews, i remembered a friend told me that she was asked about Brunei slang. Haha and we found this last night- brunei dictionary. There are a lot of Brunei words/slang complete with meanings. I came across that particular word (i know someone would know what i mean) too but its too kuning and i am not a kuning person =p HAHAH. And this:

Arang-arang
meaning:moaning in pain or pleasure
eg:kanyamanan tah ia tu kan kediaku mun udah arang-arang nyman nya....

Is it just me or does the example seems errr wrong.=p


owh owh and this.

Yo
meaning: calling someone or talking to someone
example: 1) yo, bhapa ko yo? 2) gila yo dimalam ah, score hattrick ku yo

Babu A!~

I hope their interview goes well. =)

2.44 am and I can't sleep. Just something is bothering my mind.

Wandered around looking for that little blue book. I've been looking for it for days. I thought i've lost it. And now when i really need it, i found it. Years ago, i wrote a poem in that book. Maybe poem is not a good term. Maybe a poetic prayer is-it starts with tuhanku and ends with makbulkanlah doa ku. The poem..years ago, i've only read it a few times. Yet, god answered my prayers. I noticed. Perhaps i was very sincere back then. So sincere that my prayers have been heard.

I just don't know what happened this time. No matter how much i have asked, i still can't see the light of what i'm asking for. Is it because i'm not sincere enough. Or my prayers are not well versed. That's why i've been looking for this poem- a well versed prayer. Maybe if i start reading it tomorrow, the day after....and so on. I'll get my answer. I've had it. I don't want to betray my self anymore with all those retaliation when i know i can't fight it.


But. Somehow. I find it hard. For now. I want to let it be. I know i shouldn't argh. Its all mixed up in my head. I better sleep.

Don't mind me. Don't bother about this post. i know you won't understand it anyway. I intend it to be that way- cryted from your understanding.

A rollercoaster ride with me.

SAYA LETIH. tapi nyanyat. Three days after i took my issued driving licence. Three days of dangerous amateur driving. Apa hon hon...baru kali ku drive ah. Sama aku mudah panik keluar dri simpang =S Sama sama aku lebih panik kalau orang BETERIAK siring ku! (i.e Bz and D) =p Kena sumpah saja ku ne dalam 3 ari ani. What to do? I am new in this thing and one can't expect me to drive smoothly in a short while. Today Bz and D went for another rollercoaster ride with me. haha. Honestly, the incident that sticks the most to my mind was

T: i luv you...i luv you... (kepada orang putih baik hati yg bagi aku jalan time nada org brunei kan bagi aku jalan di simpang)

Bz: TIQ.. KERITAAAAA!!!!!! (mliat orang brunei laju jalan nya dari lane sbalah)

T,Bz n D: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!. (beteriak panik sbb orang brunei inda bagi jalan)

Miss T amat bersyukur sehingga berkata i luv you kepada orang yang bagi jalan dan terlupa utk melihat lane sebalah =/ moral of the story: spread the luv on the road babeh. Orang brunai ani ah..jgn kan karit2 bagi jalan ani.

Balasan pantun utk K:
Memang ku berani jalan2,
walau kena hon inda pandai jara,
dari jerudong ke kiulap ke giant,
berteriak bisdia 'keseronokan' aa =p

Ps- rugi babu A alum merasai saya driving ah.

Will there still be any Orang Utans three years from now?

Speechless. For a species blessed with a mind that can think sensibly, some humans can be bloody stupid. So much for being called the intelligent species.

Disclaimer: Taken from BB online



This handout picture taken November 19, 2007 shows a volunteer carrying a dead orangutan in Kalimantan province. One of the biggest populations of wild orangutans on Borneo will be extinct in three years without drastic measures to stop the expansion of palm oil plantations, conservationists said. AFP

"JAKARTA (AFP) - One of the biggest populations of wild orangutans on Borneo will be extinct in three years without drastic measures to stop the expansion of palm oil plantations, conservationists said Wednesday. "For Central Kalimantan, the species will be gone as soon as three years from now," Centre for Orangutan Protection director Hardi Bhaktiantoro told a press conference.

More than 30,000 wild orangutans live in the forests of Indonesia's Central Kalimantan province, or more than half the entire orangutan population of Borneo island which is shared between Indonesia, Malaysia and Brunei.

Experts believe the overall extinction rate of Borneo orangutans is nine per cent per year, but in Central Kalimantan they are disappearing even faster due to unchecked expansion of palm oil plantations. "The expansion of palm oil plantations is wiping out entire habitats and unless the government takes drastic measures to protect these orangutan sanctuaries there is no way to reverse the trend," Bhaktiantoro said.

He showed pictures taken in November of dead orangutans being carried out of new plantations in Central Kalimantan, where they are hunted as pests to prevent them eating palm seedlings.

Orangutans are found only on BORNEO and SUMATRA and are listed as ENDANGERED by the Swiss-based World Conservation Union, the paramount scientific authority on imperilled species.

It says numbers of the ape have fallen by well over 50 per cent in the past 60 years as a result of habitat loss, poaching and the pet trade. Indonesia has already lost 72 per cent of its 123 million hectares (304 million acres) of ancient rain forest due to frenzied logging and burning of peatland for agriculture, according to Greenpeace figures.

But the recent growth in demand for palm oil from food, cosmetic and biofuel companies is putting more pressure on orangutan habitats, swathes of which lie outside conversation areas. "The deforestation rate in the area (Central Kalimantan), especially for conversion to palm oil plantation is extremely high," Bhaktiantoro said.

President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono was keen to trumpet his government's efforts to save the orange apes as Indonesia hosted the UN-sponsored world climate conference in December. He used the occasion to unveil a scheme called the Orangutan Action Plan designed to stabilise orangutan populations and habitat by 2017 and promote sustainable forest management."


Why can't we just take pride in our Orang Utans like the Aussies take pride in their Kangaroos and Koalas or China with their Pandas? Our Orang Utans are dying- not of diseases but because of our actions. Now will there still be any Orang Utans three years from now- only we can answer that.

Just a thought.

Just finished talking with Bz on the phone. And our converstion about a few certain things made me think again:

Why do we have to love and hurt. Or hurt to love? Its almost as if its better not to love at all but humans are born with emotions and love makes the most part. Isn't there any place at all, where we can love and not hurt? Maybe that's why i'm still running. Because i know the things you think i don't. And if its best to hide, i'll hide.

To someone, I apologise for our actions or inactions. We didn't mean that way if it hurts you so. If you want to love then love. We never tried to seperate. What power do we have when love is god's gift. In one way or another...you're still our girl. =')



I've decided..But can i cage this any longer? or will it break free and burn me?

Congratulations. editted//

Disebabkan Mr K sangat kambang, baca latest post nya- terpaksa ku edit =p

I was on my way to land transport today to collect my ISSUED DRIVING LICENCE *eyebro*. I went online through Ebuddy because i thought that if Mr. K was online i'd tell him that i'm on my way to collect my ISSUED DRIVING LICENCE (gila..i just love saying that) hahaha kan mengambang ku bah. Awu inda lagi ku driving illegal. That is when someone gave me A BIG SHOCK. Awu TEKAJUT KU BANAR sbb aku tu kan mengambang bah arh Mr K skali tiba2 muncul di dpn mata. haha capi bnr eh.. Since he dedicated this post for me, i'm gonna do the same.

Picture stolen from his blog. INDA KU TAHAN MLIAT HAHAHAHA!

Congrats to Mr K for passing his driving test. hehehehehehe. Memang saya gembira =p tapi ya lagi gembira...He was so happy he couldn't fill in the green form.

7th May 2008: we've got another driver. xp i hate parking *hint* and i get sleepy when i'm in the car *hint hint*

Balasan pantun Mr K:

iski ku tadi menunggu lesen ku,

onlineku kan ngambang arh mu tdi,

tau2 ada u dengan senyum manismu,

kan gugur jantung ku ko kajuti.

Apa pula i yang pandu,

u naik bukit lancar ah,

kena hon ku tadi drive sorang nu,

malu2 konon..mun mau drive taah.

HAHAHAHA hepii eh dpt drive ani

Saat bahagia

editted// Honestly, yesterday when we sang lagu Mengapa by nicky astria, i just felt so sentimental all of the sudden. I really enjoy it much because you can feel our togetherness when we all sang/shout.

And and this lyric just shoots my heart like a bullet. It kills.


Kisah cinta kita.. Kini ku lagukan...Tulus ikhlas dari hati ini. Moga dikau mengerti. Haruman dirimu. Senyuman di wajahmu. Di dalam matamu ada daku.Ku rasa bersyukur...Ditemukan denganmu...Alangkah indahnya tersusun....Jiwamu di dalam jiwaku. Inikah dikata.. saat bahagia. Sehati sejiwa untuk selamanya...Inikah dikata indahnya dunia. Walau sementara. Menjadi bermakna. Disatukan jiwa bersama merasa..Walau begitu kita seharusnya lebih memahami. Mengharungi rintangan yang meminggir. Oh.. sayang perjalanan begini. Kita hadapi hingga kan ke akhirDi saat ini. Perasaan ini ku laguKu nyanyikan keputusan di hati. Di saat ini... ingin ku dengarkan darimu. Perasaanmu tentang kisah ini....

I've been playing (repeating) this song for like....err more that 30 times just tonight/morning. this song goes for...(napa kamu mau aku dedicate utk kamu?? =p hahaha) awu baah this song goes to all the people who have made me laugh or cry with happiness.

Saya sayang!

Maybe it'll all go away tommorow.

Tell me if i should get a check up. Here goes my story:

Anyone who knows me will definitely know that i love chili. I mean red or green cili PADI. Over the years my tongue has become numb to spices that some chili sauce just taste like sour tomato sauce. Yes, i am aware that its bad for my stomach and my intestines. However, spicy foods has become my daily supplement.

Actually, i have another favourite- sour plums or sambui. I have my own supply in the fridge and i indulge into it almost everyday (almost!). You see, i can eat up to three to four times a day. When my aunt, who had to take gastric medicine due to her stomach ulcer a few years ago, told me that sour plums can damage the stomach walls, i tried to cut down my intake to one or two a day =D. Well that is also because i had diarrhoea for about 5 days after too much of chili + sour plums - the experience from which i learnt that chili + sour plums is not a good combination. Pandai jara.

Lately, my gastric attacks became frequent. My buddy, dina ask me if i get gastric easily if i left my stomach empty for just a few hours and i said yes. She said,"bwoh...mikin nipis tu parut mu ah." Maybe, she's got her point. I was thinking for a few days now that maybe i have caused my stomach to become extra sensitive. Like yesterday, i ate black peppered fried rice and i had to sleep with my body curled up into a ball. Its just black pepper!.. and yet i had a stomach ache. Or like last week when i couldn't even stand up straight for the whole day. Owh and yes, the intestine part of my abdomen.. is in pain for a few days now. At some times, i feel like its going to tear apart. Even now, there are some occasional pain (macam tajam-tajam arh my intestinal part) but the foods i ate today have never caused pain to my stomach.

Maybe i am worrying too much....

Waiting for the luv call.

I actually wanted to blog about the conversation at DQ which goes like this (well actually i kinda shorten this one)

DQ: Are u hungry. We have some hotdogs too.
Mr K: She's on diet. (with a background of the DQ staffs and Kg giggling and me kicking =/ ) She must reach 55kg...
Miss T: manada!
DQ: But you're body okay bah. Fit. Not so fat and not so slim. (me nodding vigorously)
Miss T: yatah bah. sexy kan
DQ: yea SEXY.

I mean...Sexy? waseh. The DQ lady made my day man.



But now i'm not so sure i feel so sexy anymore.


Just read K's blog and he's been called for oral already?! and they haven't call me! There's just about a million things going through my mind right now. Like... i hope they will call me soon. And i hope they didn't forget or misplace my name. And i hope they call me soon! And and I HOPE I GET THE SCHOLARSHIP (Amin)

Mental. I think i better sleep. This moe oral frenzy is really building up a tension around my emotions. I am just too worried i can break down anytime now. I need you too mal.

Pitcher plants belong to the forest, not in plastic bags.

I did mention going to Sunday flower market was fun didn't i? However, despite the pretty view, there were a few ugly sight as well.

Like i said, it hurts my eyes to see people taking pitcher plants and other wild plants away from its natural habitat. However, it hurts more to see it being sold- in a non-biodegradable plastic bags!

"ani baru datang ne.. tiga kali org (supplier) kemari ku panggil. Laku..." "kami ambil dri bukit ni..." The supplier went there three times just that day bringing pitcher plants in plastics. Remember, we do have reserve forests, but are these enough to prevent our local wild plant from declining in number. Maybe you would say- there many pitcher plants in the forest, why bother? But hey, imagine how many have been taken away from their home and sold during Friday and Sunday flower markets, for all these years. One can't be sure that these plants are taken care of well and wouldn't die after they were bought. This (our) environment may offer a different condition that may or may not suit these plants. I will not wait until pitcher plants are listed as an endangered species to say this: extinction is forever. Ignorance is a loss. Conservation is for the future.

And and pitcher plants belong to the forest, NOT IN PLASTIC BAGS.

Sunday 4th May 2008

4th May 2008-it was so pink....the breast cancer walkathon day =D.

After the walkathon, mum and i went to the mall and tamu bunga gadong. The fun part about going to sunday flower market was the pretty pretty flowers and the friendly vendors (yg inda karit berkongsi ilmu) and the reasonable prices and and bonsai! =D saya love bonsai. Bonsai sangat buntak dan comel. haha

And ofcourse the best part was (ehem eventhough i haven't got my issued liscence yet):

=D weee

When laughters glitters my night

Mengapa pabila akal berkata, hati ini berdusta?
Mengapa pabila ku ingin bersembunyi, jiwa meronta-ronta?
Mengapa pabila bibir mengukir senyuman, mata berkaca titisan airmata?
Mengapa pabila keputusan ini ku pilih, diri sendiri ku khianati?



feeling poetic.

The call to save indonesian forests- answered.

Remember my last post on the dissapearing forest of Indonesia due the tranformation of rainforest and peatforest to large scale massive palm oil plantation? My post entitled By 2022, we'll breath haze not air.? This little article in today's weekend Borneo bulletin edition caught my eyes: Greenpeace welcomes moves to save Indonesia's forest. (its on page 23)

*claps hands!*

-Excepts taken from Greenpeace international-

(The sharp contrast between the pristine rainforest and the area destroyed to make way for palm oil plantations in Indonesia.)

International — Despite insisting a week ago that they wouldn’t be bounced into taking action, Unilever boss, Patrick Cescau performed a swift about turn today and announced that his company is supporting our call for a moratorium – a complete halt – on rainforest destruction in Indonesia.

A moratorium would buy time, and allow proper regulations to be put in place that protect the rainforest in years to come. Unilever’s announcement is potentially good news for orang-utans and for the climate. Speaking at the May Day Climate Change Summit attended by Prince Charles and the UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown, he also promised that all of Unilever’s palm oil would be sustainably sourced by 2015. Although we’ve already warned him that promises of sustainable palm oil will amount to nothing unless Unilever’s suppliers stop trashing Indonesia’s rainforests. Now we want to see some of the other big palm oil buyers, like Nestle and Procter & Gamble, join with Unilever to create change on the ground.

Only last week, we launched a new campaign asking Unilever, the company behind some of the world’s most famous brands including Dove, to join us in pushing for a moratorium on rainforest destruction in Indonesia.

Click on the image above for more details. And thank you for the people who supported. And and this fact shocked me really: It’s estimated that over 1600 orang-utans were killed on palm oil plantations in 2006 alone. =/ not good!

Makes me want to get a new hair cut.

Today was one of those days i woke up feeling hellish. Menstrual cramps plus gastric is really not something i want to experience everyday. Anyways, speaking of driving, I DO DRIVE eventhough i haven't got my liscence yet. Only at night though. Like K said, romantic jua. hahaha Actually, its because there is less cars at night. And I still drive like a rollercoaster. wee.

oh wahai cikgu mr K,

laju2 tah test kan ia,

batah ya krg gagaran ane,

bnr nya aku malas drive ba.

Awu, pantun ku inda abis2 tapi cemana jua, org atu inda mau alah. Btw someone had his new hair cut. Read here. HAHAHA this blog made my day. hahahaha especially the last part. can't stop smiling.

tersenyum terketawa ku mliat mu,

rambut tajam ala ala pelakun atu,

udah atu nampak kurus lagi you,

makan bnyk2 lu ah baru tah toning nu.

Presenting...rambut baru:

Okay. My first reaction was: MACAM C WU CHUN AH. He replied at his blogpost (the one that made me laughed my ass off): ok dats funny...hahahahaa...weellll i guess she LOVES it. AHAHAHAHA.. =P

hahahahaha cecapi. Tapi cuba kamu compare.

HAHAHA kan sama! =p

editted//

and

????? ( you wish! =p)

though

.....


I do think

.....


K looks better than WC. =p



PS- inda ku brapa minat bah c WC ani.

Agar agar gadong.

I miss my grandmother.

This morning, i bought some agar from the hospital's canteen. I love agar. Sometime ago, when i was still a small kid, my late grandfather, my grandma and i went to smart (when it was still at lambak). I wanted to eat agar so i ask my grandma to make one. She told me she doesn't know how to and i remembered i showed her the ways at the back of the packet. That afternoon, she made the agar. She asked me what colour do i want it to be and i said green because i love green.

Ever since then until i went into my form six years, she would always call me and said, "nini kan buat kan ko agar nong... mok gadong ka kalas."

Still, my agar-agar would turn out to be warna gadong everytime. I realise i haven't been around her lately. Kena kepung singa. Just now before the gang and i went to fetch D, i saw kerita singa at my nini's house. I'll wait till jpd issued my liscence then i'll drive her around. On a random note, I feel like learning her language. Having inherited her Chinese looks is just worthless if i don't bring with me her roots right? And no, i don't mean i want to learn chinese because she doesn't speak chinese =p

wherever you are or how far we have been seperated...you're still my strength.

Berpesta.

Beware: inappropriate language is used. I'm legal. heck =p

I went to tuition last night. Bedudun. The maam was there at first and ofcourse the place became so quiet. After she left- pesta! Haha we shared chicken rice and ordered pizza. I actually chatted (begila) with c Khairul (fadzil) earlier and we want to discuss about the time and place to watch movies haha. Kan liat Poc and Cong. My colleague shortened Pocong 3 to Poc and Congkak to Cong. And imagine how it sounds- eh minggu ani tani mliat Poc, minggu dpn meliat Cong g. hahaha Nya Fadzil, separuh separuh kamu mliat atu. den one of my colleague said, bah mliat Pong tani. We laughed. She shortened Poc and Cong to Pong. haha Then Fadzil ckp, mcm atu mcm yg nda menjadi tu. My question: Who actually thinks about the two horror movies and not being dirty when you read this? =p

In the midst of laughter and Nasi ayam/pizza sharing, i realised something. These people i ate with, I just met them 2 months ago and now we're eating from the same plate. Being there with them feels so much like being at home. I love going to tuition because of them and the crazy students. However, the maam and her stupid management ways are driving me (us) crazy. I'm afraid that the longer i work there the sooner i will turn into someone i don't want to be. Being betrayed by her's spies made me retaliate. And you know how nasty i can be. I feel like quitting but i want to leave and close the door with all these people.

Beyond this cage i saw, people with beautiful beautiful souls.