2.44 am and I can't sleep. Just something is bothering my mind.

Wandered around looking for that little blue book. I've been looking for it for days. I thought i've lost it. And now when i really need it, i found it. Years ago, i wrote a poem in that book. Maybe poem is not a good term. Maybe a poetic prayer is-it starts with tuhanku and ends with makbulkanlah doa ku. The poem..years ago, i've only read it a few times. Yet, god answered my prayers. I noticed. Perhaps i was very sincere back then. So sincere that my prayers have been heard.

I just don't know what happened this time. No matter how much i have asked, i still can't see the light of what i'm asking for. Is it because i'm not sincere enough. Or my prayers are not well versed. That's why i've been looking for this poem- a well versed prayer. Maybe if i start reading it tomorrow, the day after....and so on. I'll get my answer. I've had it. I don't want to betray my self anymore with all those retaliation when i know i can't fight it.


But. Somehow. I find it hard. For now. I want to let it be. I know i shouldn't argh. Its all mixed up in my head. I better sleep.

Don't mind me. Don't bother about this post. i know you won't understand it anyway. I intend it to be that way- cryted from your understanding.