Aku sedih.

(straight forward kan title ku atu =p kadang2 biarlah kita ketepikan teka teki) haha.

Reminder: Jgn kan nangis mbaca post ani. Tau ku tu sapa yg kan nangis atu.

AKU KUSUT. Yes, something was in my mind just now that i had to sleep to ward it off. Well some of you would know what i mean. The last time i doubted over my chosen course was because of that place. I mean i've heard the fun fast paced (travel) lifestyle of those who worked there and for someone like me (who totally loves fun fast paced travelling lifestyle), it really shook my integrity.

Well actually... i'm lying.

That was not the only one that made me kusut. The 'good news' made me a little sad just now. No, its not that i am unhappy. Its just that, i feel like the closer we are in reaching our dreams, the closer we are to seperation. Meeting them has become a part of my routine. A friend of mine who is far away tried to console saying that we'll still be with each other no matter how far we are. True. I just can't stop thinking of how to adapt a life the when people close to you, ones you have lunch with everyday, drive with you, sing/shout with you, laughed or even argued, the ones who gave you an advance or belated birthday party, are far from you.

The recent happenings have made me think- what if i was in her place? I'd totally freak out to death. Knowing the person i am, i will not stop thinking of whether they have been thinking of me too or am i the only one who loves clinging to the past when every one is moving on to the future. I told her some of my thoughts since i've been keeping to much to myself. That friend of mine also told me... sooner we will meet with each other. And i ask when? 5 years later? Will how we are right now still be the same? Or will we change? Obviously, we will make new friends and well hide.. things from each other (guilty =p). So 5 years from now can we still sit in the same table, watch tv casually while trying to tie a cherry tip inside our mouth (to find out who's the better kisser) and each picking a sofa to sleep when you're full from cheesecakes?

Well now you all will probably realise T is a very emotional person but i can't help it. Even the thought of it made my heart heavy. And before you know it, these tears have already blurred my new glasses. When that friend of mine left, there was a hole inside our lives. And everything we do, we do for her- every picture poses or even every song. What will happen when everyone go different paths? There will be no enough songs to fill this gap inside my life. Like she said, berkawan biar seribu...sahabat hanyalah a few. True what she said. We can still email each other and ask news...but it won't feel the same won't it? ='(

Somehow, as ecstatic as i am to start a new journey.... i am not ready. For all these while we've spent so much to protect this circle, even when you have to sacrifice something to do so. I am not ready to start a journey that might take me away from the people.

And i really love the way we are now. Tell me we can still be the same 5 years later.

I want to spend every waking moment to see smiles and hear laughters. .....and let me keep the rest to myself.