Because i'm not the one who will be upset.

Like i said, i won't jump into conclusions.


But the other people around me are. I realised that that one phone call i have not recieved is something that will decide my future. That one person who had been through everything with me, just now, just told me that the worst thing that could've happened might happen and she spoke like i was a fragile thing. And then i got that question from her- are you upset? I said no and she asked why. I said, because i'm not the one who will be upset. I don't know if she got that message. The despair, i know i will not feel because i know there's a long list that will be in despair so i don't think that feeling could even reached me. I personally think that i can grow more here not there or anywhere because its me we're talking about. I've checked from all angles and there's a particular ability that i have i can only sharpen here more and that is language. I can even harness things out of my workaholic attitude. And ofcourse i have a plan and even a goal if such things were to happen though they might not know that. But i have no idea what to do if i have to dissapoint them.


And now i know that the two strongest pillar in my family are trying the best they could. I know even if they try to hide it. I know that even if its hard...they are trying to think of how to dig a few tens of thousand or even hundreds of thousands out of nothing because a mere offer from one of the best research institution isn't enough without it.


I know i shouldn't be jumping into conclusions. How can i not react when i can clearly see that every moment of their waking hours now is spent on finding a solution or trying not to 'dissapoint' me.