When will i catch up to these people?

"One student plans to go to snow-capped Jilin Province, where the mercury could plunge to as low as -30 C." Read more at 5 students granted scholarship to china


Awu seriously. If i could, i really do want to follow at the end of this month. SIGH. I know i've been saying or hinting to them, well thats because at this point, it seems impossible. Huhuhu. I mean with all the practical schedule and being tight in money. I know i said "no i won't go to China anymore" while being choked by the thick smog last holiday trip. But that has changed. hahaha somehow i miss the atmosphere. =p Besides jilin is further north from the usual cities so that ought to be an interesting travel. Yes. My cousin has been granted a pathology masters degree at Jilin, China. She graduated in human anatomy honours from UWA. And no she's not sponsored by the Chinese embassy but by the Brunei government embassy. (our guess at this moment is that the medical subjects are expensive so Brunei government is paying for it instead of the chinese government.) Its not the masters degree she wanted but i guess this one may open more opportunities for her.

And me too. I mean in terms of travel. =p HAHA hmmm i am too a little broke. All those shoe shopping and plans to buy shelf and cupboard. I need to break that bubble and start saving money again. My cashflow is negative i tell you! Again, knowing people got all those scholarships and all to german china makes me excited and envious. They inspire me. I hope i can catch up to them. I too want to be someone who can inspire and make a mark in the world. Make something worth out of my life.

Aku kan ikut tapi skulahh start udah! practical g banyak tu!! aig00!

ps- Have you played freerice.com today?

Far from home.

Someone said to me once (more or less like this): You read what people don't read. I do. I am not quite the reader. I haven't even succeed in my attempt to finish twilight. I only read the things i find interesting. or when i have to understand something. My history book on something are not done with yet too.

But it takes only a bit of phrases of this one book to hook me instantly:
" The inability to find a way home, to return to the lost point of coherence and order, was ofcourse a well worked theme in the events surrounding the end of first world war, and its immediate aftermath, the time when yeats wrote the poem. 'Things fall apart. The centre cannot hold' (yeats)"- Featherstone.


Inable to find a way home? Lost. I guess. So i am not the only one who thinks when you're lost, you're weaker. And the bonds that tie human being together, are weak. I better find a way back home. I don't want to go home yet though. Because what is the point of going back home, to find that you are the only one there. but I guess, we all should find a way home, if you've strayed far from your starting point.


I like metaphors. Because people usually choose to listen to what they were told. Not what the moral of the story is. On another note. I just went to and from the airport twice just to get the cars. We lack drivers. My mom let my youngest brother and my younger brother to join my aunt and my cousins to Perth. but they'll have to return back home at a different date than my aunt. Hmm. It comes again.. -her way of teaching us to be independent. When you go on your own, you learn to take care of yourselves and others. And that was why she always allow me to go on our own to other countries- learning to bear responsibilities. For her, only when you put yourself in a situation where you have to be responsible, can you really learn how to take care of yourself and others. Only, in my time, i started way earlier when i was in lower secondary. And their's started late.


I don't like this all. Because there is no one now i could kacau and ngatil and marahi until next week. boring. mkin sunyi tia rumah berabis. On a brighter note, i shall be waiting patiently for a new adidas to add to my collection. I hope they could find something for me.

Happy 20th birthday (cepatnyer masa berlalu) Perth!

Did you remember the craftworks i did weeks ago.It was for an advance birthday gift. I really got lost track of time! I read rano and read about DPMM's belated birthday-happy birthday DPMM. But reasding that post also meant ...someone else's birthday is today- 18th February =p

To St Cats, Perth, WA:

You can stay immature indefinitely (kad advance bday org last minute =p)

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. How old are you now? how old are you now? happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday to you (plagiarised from jolibee happy bday song =p)

Now i tell you the secret: did that before school starts. took me around 4-5 days (ofcourse not 24 hrs) Jaga the teddy =p

Happy 20th Birthday. i should've bought you an anti-ageing cream =p (takut tua) hahahaa!! Nadawaaa. Haha surat cinta ku ada kan arh mu dah. SO baca saja atu lah. no more special ucapan. Just stay out of sunlight. Pakai banyak2 mosturizer. Krg ada premature wrinkle =p. pastu jalan atu control. Jangan ganas sangat. belajar tah masak (mcm tah aku belajar tapi aku balum 20 so indapapalah. kau dulu =p) pastu cari boyfren orang puteh. spaya anak buah ku nanti semua hidung mancung. and they live happily ever after. =p HAHAHAHHAA.

Secret: did each in one night =p buku atu aku antam saja taruh cross stitch initial mu. HAHAHA btw jaga the bracelet. somehow i think its quite fragile. kalau critical pun indapapa lah. aku buat kan g. request hadiah mu complete!!! wehee. the first one i give my handmade bracelet. =p haha bek jua kena request.

HAHAHA. cute kan hadiah 20 tahun mu atu.

Forever kanak2 bah. btw. aku makan apple crumble dh~ =p (in the end)

TO LINA R- AKU MAU LIHAT BILIK MU DI ST CATS!!!!! update blog! =p

Luvs,

No 1, Spg ____,

Kg TJ,

Brunei.

kebuntakan ani... dapat bejangkit kah?

Apple pie at the piano lounge centerpoint is soo delish! I finished her '2 decades' gift box. Going out for a bit with the girls and find a box maybe. And i'll be going to my cousin's place just for a little gathering until her flight at 2 am. Another glimpse of what will be in my '2 decades' gift box. Its her request (its what we cousins do.. we request birthday gifts =p) and i experimented with the the normal beads you can find in most shops. Its got a theme btw.

And...kucingku buntak lamak. It still looks like a kitten when every other cat has grown bigger. yes i am talking about the cat that likes to sleep under my blanket.

Hmm. is shortness contagious?

I want to stay 19 forever.

Just a glimpse.

I am still awake, trying to finish off *refer to picture above* for someone who will be leaving tonight. And this year i missed her birthday which will in less than 2 weeks time. Hmm. Rush rush rush. That is only because i spent most of my waking hours out- i sorta went to Tutong with her without remembering that there were landslides and floods there. (and i accidentally went into the path with landslide without realising that there was a police warning not to go there.but that is a whole other embarassing story)

And apparently Tanah Jambu is one of the places with no water supply but i am enjoying every bit of it because... it somehow feels so refreshing using the gayung. Yeah amazingly i bathed more than used to without water. ( but then again you can never guess when i bathed or when i don't right?=p) But unfortunately, i AM running out of clean clothes. The sun has not been out to dry all the clothes of.

Dear God,

I hope __________ gets that girl soon. I understand he is now in the process of growing up into an adult that _______-ness and ______-ness are part of that process. But i hope he feels that only to girls. I hope _____ who in his eyes is talented and very hot (but that guy really isn't) doesn't attract him too much. I have faith in him. I know its a she not a he that captures his eyes. I hope he will never dissapoint me.

I wish ________stays straight forever and ever.

Amin.

=p

Ps- when i said i wanted to stay 19 forever. I was serious. Sad...infact that i'll never be 19 forever.

just a little empty.

2009 Crown Prince Cipta Award. Shortlisted =)

Bear with this long post. I am a proud sister. Went out yesterday to buy somethings while waiting for my little brother, apek, who was in itb for some briefing. I am actually proud that his team got shortlisted for the 2009 Crown Prince CIPTA Award.



click to enter.






I am quite impressed that he made it through. I mean, the moment the huge poster was put up last time in qiulap, he mentioned it over and over. Thinking of who to invite as a team and brainstorming for inventions. aku awu awu saja sebab dalam utak ku its good that he has the enthusiasm to enter such competition although i don't think they'd ever going to made it through but he porves me wrong. My brother is the opposite of me in most things. He's not the one with the creative hand like me. He's not the language type of person like my younger brother (who is quick in absorbing language). He is not the intelligent type but he studies harder than the rest of us. He is the most tidiest out of us three siblings. He cleans and my younger brother and i wreck. That is how the cycle goes at home.


And he is the one with the most practical and logic mind unlike the me and my younger bro. We're a bit irrational in doing things. i guess that is why he is the most suitable one amongst us three to be involved in these kinds of designing field. He mentioned about it for a while and sometime after that all those CIPTA frenzy died a little bit at home. I thought that its just hangat hangat tahi ayam like i always do. I didn't know their team went through with the his last idea. I did heard him mention the idea but yeah I am not interested in his ideas. I am only interested in building his mind with criticism (ie making his life miserable with comments that he has to think of a way to counter such questions)


And he was so happy from the day he knew their team made it through the Preliminary assessment. Especially yesterday, he looks as if he's high from some kind of hyperactivity-causing drug. Understandably, his team comprises of students who are not even 16 yet and made it into a competition full of itb students or 10 to 20 years older. When they registered for the Cipta awards, apperently there was no question on age so he told me that they were looked by the shortlister and commitee with surprise and amazement when he and other two girls in the team went in the meeting room yesterday.


I know he is not looking forward for any monetary prizes because just passing the preliminaries is enough. They knew all the other inventions were so innovative and advanced technology wise and their's is actually so simple that you can think. And i have to agree with what one of the older participants said to them, 'We are old. They are the future' The road is longer ahead and so there will more opportunities for other cipta award participation in the future though i witness how hard it was to think of inventions just for the sake of joining Cipta. Besides, if you think of it, age and experience wise, for me, they already are a winner.



yeah i am sooo damn happy right now because it was not easy to brainwash my brother into taking this field seriously. With all those design books i brought just to build his creative mind and all those talks on future careers and he calls his ambition "cita cita kaka" because i mentioned about it over and over but yeah he got brainwash and all he could think now is to be involved in this field. And i am so happy i finally could rest without him giving up on design and tech.


But there was a reason why his ambition was called: cita cita kaka. Because i am the most enthusiastic person ever. I am hoping they could achieve a little more for this final assesment. When even the consolation prize is $500, i'd say, its worth every exhausted brain cell. (i want to push harder. but nyeh. its up to them now to think how to exhaust their brain cells berabisly.




All the best.

Baik kaka belajar.....$50 apek tu.

Its quite tempting to blog since the winning of Obama there are funny stories to tell from my brother going back home from school with marker on his arm saying ' vote for obama' to some other things.


But i have been using my brother's printer ink (which he bought himself and its quite expensive) and he added a few dollars for my new study lamp he went on 'baik kaka belajar. ink apek tu'. or 'baik kaka dapat tinggi markah. duit apek tu pakai bali lampu ah'



so i guess. i should sleep late again and study. ahaa, since. aku kena suruh belajar kan. ya membayarkan ink and lampu (elaun ku alum kuar bah beb)


Benar2 mendiamkan diri.

hopeful

sebelum aku menghilang.

Walaupun aku jeles.
and walaupun uni ku lagi bida dari PTEM.
And aku jeles ya cantik dri uni ku haha.

Something made my night really really bright tonight. and i feel so happy with that sight.

Sixth Form Centre Meragang.

I am so happy at the sight of this sign board. DT? I hope it will be offered in PTEM. Currently, DT is only offered up to form 5. Only jis offers DT in form 6 and jis is bery mahal aha. We really do hope he can continue DT till form 6. And i hope... a in about a year and half from now, he will be walking down that aisle to DTech room.

AMIN.

Hopeful.

Belait.

Since its sunday, I went to belait tadi. Cerita2 about perkara yang...hmm biasa. Its never gonna end i guess.


We (all of us sans you know who) beraya bersama after brapa taun dah. Gembira ya we knew that. biasa. Its been a long time kan. Remember last time i brought the two of you to nini's. Well, apparently, her situation now is more terrible than ever. and we can't do much. =/other than that, its been a long time no cerita in ckp miri. aha. You know how they cerita about that story in cakap brunei sebab some might not understand... kick lagi kalau drg ckp miri ba. Mcm happening. Kerasahan garam ati nya tu. hahaha. Honestly, i am proud of them. Why. let me just keep. you'll only know when you meet them in their crib.

Sorry nurul adibah nada di umah. Hp ku mati ah. and aku d seria tu masa tu. And to KEROLFIRDAUS, jepang?? =) tunggu kaya elaun lu tu. mahal a. Kalau alum kaya elaun bawa mr vietnam. Ke vietnam lu. ehehh..


and i have not prepared for geography presentation krg at 9am. But i am too full to sleep. sebab aunties ku tu kalau kami k sna abis tah kami kena feed. haha . Still after... straight tests days and presentation, i felt like i'm just gonna do this. nada uri nada apa. mcm how do you put it. i felt like just doing it...if its terrible then let it be. Kalau ya mrh marah la si sirinanda. I tak kisah. its as if i've given up and just want to do this.

I guess i am waking up till morning. Salam. Sayang. Pagi.



i still feel useless though. =((

We'll just have to wait and see on what i'll bring you for a ride

Korean feast this afternoon was great. Nanti tah g bila ada rezeki okay. sama dolsot nyaman. and and sik hae ku.

Anyways..just now, while going around with the mum looking for materials, she suddenly said, "inda tah mama balikan ika cincin ne kali ani ah." Inda ku faham apa maksudnya wa mula mula. tapinya kan if kamu notice di tangan ku andang slalu ada cincin kan. Its actually like a tradition. I got my first ring when i was 10 after pce. Then i got my second ring, three years after that, after getting my pmb. See... you can actually see the trend. The current ring i'm wearing is the one after Olevels. Its actually rare to see me without it. I bring it to shower (its on my right finger btw!), to sleep and to almost everything. And she always gave me the ring on my birthday. I know this kinda sound not like it at all but except for a ring once in every 3 years.. i didn't exactly recieve gifts from her since a long time ago except dinner. Its only now that we started to slowly practice the habit of giving gifts. On our birthdays, mum would bring us for a family dinner or lunch but i kind of like it though because you can feel the togetherness when you have dinner or lunch together with the people you care about.

Going around without my ring ..feels empty. i know this sounds funny but eversince mum got me a ring after every achievements, i felt that its a symbol for her best hopes for me in my future. back to my story...she continued her line "sebab kali ani kerita ja.. "

HAHAHAHA. macam.. mama ani... buleeh. I'll make do with a car. I'm okayy. ahhaha. its surprising sometimes to know what is in our parents mind especially when we are about to start university life. Not to mention my aunt who is actually the most excited one here. Smpai kan she kinda gave me a lil something something. haha. They kinda just show you that they'll always be there supporting unlike someone...betanya pun nada. SAMA... inda ya mau gto aku bila ya bali! or what car she will get...ya kan surprise usulnya. hahahah i gave her a list of 'jangan' which includes kerita avanza, vios =p (inda!!), sirion, kijang, honda city (sebab macam beidung ba) ada g lah. sekali nya... "ehh ada tah tu.". mamaku ne dpt dibaca bah kadangnya, dri aritu dh ku tau ya kan bali without aku tu. Out of many many cars which aren't in my jangan -list, there is 2 she possible would buy. And i know she really wanted that white suzuki.

Then again... there are times.. she could be unpredictable. So we'll just have to wait and see on what i'll bring you for a ride (kalau kamu sempat jua ) =p

My Roots.

Sayu ku membaca blog ani.

i saw this particular blog under family section in simpur blogging nation. No bukan arab family atu Ada lagi satu. awu.. i am a descendant of the Bungsu Lakim family. A grandchild of Hj Yahya Bungsu. This side... i am not close with. In the blog there was these pictures and pictures or the descendants of Bungsu Lakim. Youtube videos of family meetings. and etc



No. I'm not sad coz i felt left out. or that i didn't expect my extended family would be this big. I knew. Just like someone, I chose to stay at a distance from that side for a reason my mother and my grandmother and the dad's siblings would understand. lagipun aunts and uncles ku and dad tinggal di belait hahah. and i know i most probably does not exist to the extended version of the bungsu lakim family because i was invisible eversince i stayed with the mum. sayu ja sebab.. when i read eveything.. it just feels like my late grandfather is still there. its okay if i just stay here where i am. Just so long as i know i love my grandparents and i know they loved me too. And i know i am still apart of that family. because blood ties.. you cannot cut. and could never cut away from. So whereever i go, i will always remember my roots.


sekali kan there's this profile section of the bungsu lakim children. And my late grandfather's picture..... Click here. Number 6 atu.. Hj Yahya atu. yatah mulah niniku tu. hansem kan. hehe. yatah dengan kecantikkan niniku bini yang cam cina tu (apakan)...jadilah waris yang bisai bisai ala ala pelakun jepun =p=p=p (hahahahahh sekali sekala perasan. aku tau ada org sasak kalau aku prasan)


And its not like me. to post the link to the blog of the extended family of that side. Its not because i wish to be under the family member's link. (no i didn't say anything to the admin) but in memory of my late grandfather... here is the link.

(click on the logo to enter the blogsite)

Anyways. regardless of anything. or where i am. i still love my grandfather- the late Hj Yahya Bin Bungsu. Alfatihah.

bah out. esok pagi saya ke Miri. Astro ku padam yatah ne kan nyuruh org ofis astro sana membuka balik astro. almaklum...adiku esp yg bungsu ne macam aku inda dapat idup tanpa tv. salam.

Growing up: this is for my ladies.

Note: nostalgic. I just had one of the best chats since a very long time with them. It started with a message that started like this: hi ladies..... it occured to me.. since when have we grown from just mere girls to ladies? Dr A's right. Men may come and go. Friends may come and go. But sahabat stays forever. I am not exactly sure how to explain but it sounds cool doesnt it?

2004


I met the three of them (including mizah not lina). We got together often. Zirah was still unattached .=p So was ridha. hahaha. And ofcourse the very single T. Chosen for explomaths along with Zir, A and FN. Zir, met her him and got attached. The girls get to know each other more and more. Bonds grew and we instantly became bestfriends. Lin and i took geography. Zir took economics and Ridha was the only one in class taking computer. That was the only class period we got seperated. Mizah remembered the first sentence i said to her when we first met- hi aku tiqah aku ne pendiam ne. And she said that while i was talking non stop. =p hahaha


2005


We were still lab partners in bio and physics lab (just like the year before) where Zir and i would chat, lina writing her stories and Ridha pretending to concentrate at Mr leong. We would rush to the canteen and buy our favourite, the soto. Ate in class while laughing crazily over silly matters while everyone else thought we were a very quiet (tkarang) group. Ridha is still in love with computer. Zir 'loves' Mrs Rani. and i 'love' my ninth subject- accounting. Went for tuition (or rather chatting session) at Zir's uncle. Berhari raya with auntie nya apa. And zir was afraid of cats. Ridha and i bitch about sexy Spaniards and italians and even share Spanish language books. Si mizah eksen pendiam tapi gila bnrnya. Almost two years has passed and i have no idea when we all became sisters.

2006


Ridh and Zir decided to go to Maktab Duli instead of PTEB because Zir prefer to go there and ridha wanted to take computer and only MD offers computer as a form 6 subject. Mizah had to go to MD. And ofcourse Lin and i went to PTEB. It was actually hard at first. The friends you see everyday, pull you out of the canteen crowd, sit with you in the lab...they were not there anymore. And you make new friends.



2007


We hardly see each other. Only through the net sometimes we update uorselves. And oh...Zir loves cats. And Ridha is still with her hehehh pemain bula =p And T is still very much single.



Now

Zir- currently doing her attachments with BSP, doing the petroleum technologist work thingy. I have no idea what it is but its about monitoring oil wells etc. She'll be studying for a year in UBD before going to Sydney, i hope. Ridha- MOE scholar who will be doing Software Engineering in UK. She really loves IT stuffs. Lina- doing foundations in Perth. And philosophy and ethics. wuhuu. Kan gila yo that subject. Mizah will be doing her Beng civil engineering in ITB. and me.... the one who will be doing biological science.



The 5 of us- will be farther away from each other when this long holiday ends. We will be scattered all over. And the chat with sayangku Zir, Ridha and Lina was the best ever we had in a very very long time.


Funnily, i am not sad. Because, we still laugh like we used to even when we don't see each other that often. We still serve cookies of fast food when we visit each other. We still buy each other gifts. So i guess, i am assured...no matter where we are, we still have each other. 5 years later i am sure we are going to sit chat just like today or the days before. We'll sit in one table..no matter who you'll be.. petroleum engineer ka, civil engineer ka, software engineer ka, or phsycologist...we still will be the same. That is why. AKU SAYANG KAMU.


ps- gila. ramai jua kamu ne ambil engineering. aku gnya ambil biology kah??? sayang bnr kamu kan mr leong atu. =p Zir.... saya tahu u rindu kan ku =p jgn temimpi2 aku ah d sana KB. mimpi zaim mu ja. krg inda ko tertidur. kiss kiss. (mihir hahahaha =p) Ridh...msg ja ah di mana.

Because i'm not the one who will be upset.

Like i said, i won't jump into conclusions.


But the other people around me are. I realised that that one phone call i have not recieved is something that will decide my future. That one person who had been through everything with me, just now, just told me that the worst thing that could've happened might happen and she spoke like i was a fragile thing. And then i got that question from her- are you upset? I said no and she asked why. I said, because i'm not the one who will be upset. I don't know if she got that message. The despair, i know i will not feel because i know there's a long list that will be in despair so i don't think that feeling could even reached me. I personally think that i can grow more here not there or anywhere because its me we're talking about. I've checked from all angles and there's a particular ability that i have i can only sharpen here more and that is language. I can even harness things out of my workaholic attitude. And ofcourse i have a plan and even a goal if such things were to happen though they might not know that. But i have no idea what to do if i have to dissapoint them.


And now i know that the two strongest pillar in my family are trying the best they could. I know even if they try to hide it. I know that even if its hard...they are trying to think of how to dig a few tens of thousand or even hundreds of thousands out of nothing because a mere offer from one of the best research institution isn't enough without it.


I know i shouldn't be jumping into conclusions. How can i not react when i can clearly see that every moment of their waking hours now is spent on finding a solution or trying not to 'dissapoint' me.