You make em good girls gone wild.

First of all. Just now, when i was finishing up my report for plant phylo, and at the same time NOT yet read anything for plant phylo test, i kept on saying "5% gone so easily. In the dustbin" WASTED. Yes 20% is practicals which i always messed up. 10% are the tests which include the one i had just now. Yes. that 5% of overall marks is gone just like that.

"We need to step up our game" I said to someone.

Because we're so far behind. Aigoo. I just saw a picture of dissected rat. And we're also going to start with dissection of shark, lizard and so on. It made me think, what have i gotten myself into?

Help me step up my game too. =((

When will i catch up to these people?

"One student plans to go to snow-capped Jilin Province, where the mercury could plunge to as low as -30 C." Read more at 5 students granted scholarship to china


Awu seriously. If i could, i really do want to follow at the end of this month. SIGH. I know i've been saying or hinting to them, well thats because at this point, it seems impossible. Huhuhu. I mean with all the practical schedule and being tight in money. I know i said "no i won't go to China anymore" while being choked by the thick smog last holiday trip. But that has changed. hahaha somehow i miss the atmosphere. =p Besides jilin is further north from the usual cities so that ought to be an interesting travel. Yes. My cousin has been granted a pathology masters degree at Jilin, China. She graduated in human anatomy honours from UWA. And no she's not sponsored by the Chinese embassy but by the Brunei government embassy. (our guess at this moment is that the medical subjects are expensive so Brunei government is paying for it instead of the chinese government.) Its not the masters degree she wanted but i guess this one may open more opportunities for her.

And me too. I mean in terms of travel. =p HAHA hmmm i am too a little broke. All those shoe shopping and plans to buy shelf and cupboard. I need to break that bubble and start saving money again. My cashflow is negative i tell you! Again, knowing people got all those scholarships and all to german china makes me excited and envious. They inspire me. I hope i can catch up to them. I too want to be someone who can inspire and make a mark in the world. Make something worth out of my life.

Aku kan ikut tapi skulahh start udah! practical g banyak tu!! aig00!

ps- Have you played freerice.com today?

What a headache.

The first week is always the most stressful and doubtful of all weeks. You see the thing is we, the bio sci batch, are shocked. Well you can say kami ani segala galanya shocked =p but my point is, from a 19 units total of courses last year (with only 2 biology), we're now down to only 12 units with 4 biology courses and one math! And most of our week are spent on a lot of biology lectures and a 4 hour practical for each bio course- and still 12 units.



We actually added on another math because last year's math was 4 units this year was 2 units, so we added algebra. ODE, the other maths, was already on our green form so we assume that that maths is our maths for this semester. However, from our current timetable ODE clashes with practical and if it is true that ODE has a two hour lecture like i saw on my timetable, then again it clashes with Genetics. And yet ODE is not the one that kami capi capi kan tambah supaya units betambah. I like language so i prefer that i have one more elective which is language but out of everyone in the meeting, only kami the bio students saja cannot attend the classes due to our timetable and the lecturer's schedule.

On saturday, the friends plan to go to shbie because they heard there's a lot of electives. I prefer to take something from fbeps if i can. I mean that'll be so much fun taking something totally out of our fields as extra knowledge. If the friends decide to take PE (sports) as elective or others like i don't know funny stuffs, i would definitely scout for another language (korean maybe). haha saja kan inform kamu

On another note, mum just got back and was surprised at the air condition. Jakarta was better than our air condition now, too hazy.

and i wish i can go too the end of this august. I really wish i could. =(

Aku inda suka bau jerebu.

It was getting a little old so i decided to give this a new look. Jeles ku billah tukar layout. I know. its still simple, not as cute but i feel so comfortable with this layout. It refreshes me. I get carried away once i clicked on the internet explorer button and i am trying all i could to stop that but i decided to publicise this blog again anyway since friends are reading. I guess i'll just have to fight the devils. Thanks to Sahlan for the help with the codes.


Yes. A new semester has started and the past few days made me feel like a pure biology student; learning plant body, memorising invertebrates body parts (not that i have done so). the past few days made me conclude that my greatest challenge in this new semester would be to stay awake and not to wander off to Africa while the lecturers are explaining (if you get what i mean). I still feel i am a useless bio sci student. i don't even know names of animals like someone does. nevertheless, i am still excited to know new stuffs. but definitely, NOT excited to know that the percentage failure in recent years have been unpleasantly high. And oh. We need to memorise scientific names too. oh wow. the only thing i remembered so much is eurychoma longifolia, the ever famous (among malay men =p) Tongkat ali. From now on i will say that i love to eat musa and the cocos nucifera jelly at huaho is really delicious. I miss the smell of the bio lab. haha.


Mom went to Jakarta last monday, she'll be home tommorow afternoon. i texted her tadi psl aku kusut berabis mikirkan about the language that i registered into. Its a difficult language and i don't know if its wise to increase the already heavy workload. I mean one wrong step will affect the overall grades right. I can't sleep thinking about it.

Its 3.40am and i've gotten carried away again. see!

Self quarantine.

My aunt has been nagging me (you know the usual aunt who lives with me. the one who nags us more than my mother does) about the self quarantine. As much as i am bored in the house, i have to show my face. If not i'll get my lunch lecture or afternoon lecture at the dining table hahaha. But yeah. I have been escaping especially at night, with mum. =p Mum has been trying to get me out every night while waiting for my brother from tuition. Do don't get me wrong...

I was just ask not to mingle around with friends for a week. I don't want to anyway. Because if anyone of you get sick, i am the one most likely to be blamed. And then we all got quarantined! Huhu. I must not be MOH-quarantined until the next two weeks, for some reason i cannot tell anyone now. This means that i might not be able to go for events. Sorry berabis. Loves.

Oh yeah. I am free next week starting TUESDAY. But i might not be the week after.

Arena.

I have not done my spring cleaning. Instead, i've been busy with games.Sahlan shi and i went to tasek lama btw. Need a little altitude (copyright from B). Jog (my version of brisk walk) only tires my calf. I need altitude to exercise the thighes and the butt. Yeah THE butt. But i think i have not really pushed my self today. Maybe next time eh sahlan? We try to walk up again. Poco2 sweat is okay. This sweat was oh so good.


I have tanning session again tommorow (or later) before heading of to UBD for Patoi talk.

AND i have a problem regarding next month teaching.huhuh. i have to settle this soon. I hope si kekanda yang aku sayang berabis atu dapat relief my class the whole next month.huhuhu (update: ya okay pplang dh. see baik hati bah ya ani) Now i have to inform mr Donkey. If he said no, I WILL argue. hahaha.

Note to self: Spring Cleaning!

In the end, i did not tidy up the room. My bebeh texted for a swim. So we went swimming. And after that, joined by farah too, we went for a jog. Boy, the are soooo enthusiastic. It was like looking at athletes training. As for me, i hate jogging. I really do. 5 pm jog is sexy just because of that guy with (really) short pants and muscular thighs. But yeah. Today was crazy. (i can't feel my leg now.) Skipping is tiring.



I'm waterbaby.


random note: I feel like something was missing today and yesterday. Oh yeah- BIRAH. Huhuhu. And aku high malam2 pasal aku baca ceta korea versi melayu (aka designated attitude =p hehehehe hepi ku berabis. ahhaha lain yg hepi)

Its 2 am. T is on fire (to study.. NOT)

T study T study! I just woke up btw and just started to study geo for tommorow morning.Sigh. The timetable is so packed. I hope tommorow's 3 hour won't be as uncomfortable as today's bio 3 hours ( i mean since i have my dry overnight kotex penyerap) You didn't know it did you? i mean the reason why i went out early? haha thank go i wore a red baju kurung, which blends.




(kadangnya mcm lagu hindi ada jua ku dgr haha) Review from me: being said the female version of big bang, i think 2NE1 really lives up to that reputation. I've been playing it dari tadi and i find them okay. i mean their song lollipop was so catchy. its just that... But why the western accent when singing in korean? I don't think big bang does that western accent as much.


I envy billah hassan for saying that he's been happy with his exams. Its a lie if that came out from me. =( Hmmm. I think i have done quite badly but that is all i can do. aigoo. GEO krg. Study tiqah!! I need something to pull up my grades.

I am so pathetic.

Someone said that its obvious i compare myself with people in ________. That is not entirely true. Most of the time i get jealous looking at people's pictures- those at the seasonal countries or countries where language is a barrier. Because i understand, only when you drown someone, he or she will be able start an effort in trying to float. Hmm, now.. some of my friends are in German too? Once upon a time, we were all from one school. Now, they all study in different countries.


I know its a big thing for a short girl like me to do but i can't stop being envious of everyone around the world. Everytime it happens, i ask myself, what have i done or what have i achieved, to be more than them? Because being 'more' is the only thing that will soothe me.


And everytime.... i failed to get any answer from myself.


Then, they start to experience new cultures, meet friends of different colours, see places we only could dream of seeing, learn many new things, represent the country and evolve to become somewhat something the nation can be proud of. We become so distant, i can only hide away my little pathetic face now- the face that has not really achieve anything much that a country or even the university can be proud of. i ask myself, will i have the chance of doing the same?

And everytime, i fail to get an answer.

I guess. Just wish me marks and hope i pass everything this semester with good grades. Amin. And before that, i need to stop being lazy. Amin. (remind me not to spend so much time on internet or the television or mengupi and coffee bean.) I like my core and my supporting course and my course mates are awesome-ly helpful. I guess, that is all that matters, for now.

~~~

i've not gone that far and you're already out of sight

Kelam.

I whined less this sem. I guess its because the feeling gets better each time. But, towards the end, you'll realise, the grades don't. Instead, i feel like its even lower than last time. Urgh. The feeling. And i am guilty of not feeling guilty for hanging out mengupi with the dudes on a school night, again! I should start revising human geography now, i have test tommorow. I should start asking people to teach me math now, since i did flunked two of my test.

I keep on messing things up when i have the chance to do the opposite. =(( hmm. why is it that i can't seem to do better.

but most of all, I don't want to be mediocre.

Antique

No one is calling me back. Just let it be. That's what we all like to do. As much as i miss us...I don't think i'll be back. disconnecting oneself to the world or to the environment. Emotions dominate the place we live in. When you depend on that, you become like a weaker nation clinging on to a stronger nation. The only way to stop it is to cut all ties with the outside world.


I told you i'm losing myself bit by bit.but it seems like i lost some people totally.


Other than that. i feel so relieved that its thursday. Some things are done with, Alhamdullilah. I'm not confident with my marks or anything but losing myself help me deal better with my worries. Excessive complaining won't slow doesn't the time or fast forward it until all the things we have to go through, have gone through. It'll still come in one way or another. It won't bring your friends either it seems, if they don't seem like they'll want to come back. And i am enjoying this one day where i can breath just for a little and go online and read mangas and download MVs. hmm. that won't last long. Its funny how some people likes to diss UBD. Its a lot to deal with here. From no calculators to subjects that are of no interest but are compulsory like computer programming and MIB. Yes. my environment is still dominated by guys. No, i have not found that person of the same gender as i am where i could let it all out. Or where i could just go everywhere together. Or one that could accompany me like what i use to have. Yes i am aware that i am getting antisocial by the day

I love jo ji hoon. He's so capable of bringing a smile no matter what his role is.

still. I miss us.

Catching time. Lets do a little bit of maths

I have OCD. slight. =p kali. I can't sleep, i can't stop until i think everything i've done....cannot be improved in any way, anymore. Even if its last minute, sorry i dragged you into my OCD =p hahha.

So i apologise lots to the people who have been tolerating me for the past few days.

AND i terima tamparan yang terhebat tadi patang. ITS WEEK 9 ALREADY! Bloody hell. all those works suddenly fall down from the sky and HITS you HARD on the face. The flu is getting better atleast.

Time is fast. tonight is the fourth night i went home late. I don't even have time to sleep. Oh god. Wish us good marks for tommorow. And wish me good marks for the day after. And good marks to for next week. And the next week. And the week after. And the week after and the week after.

Owh week nine also means, i might not blog anytime soon. because week 9 means:

9 + 5 = 14 = near exam week.
9 + 4 = 13 = 2 faking presentations + computer programming + Bio lab report (Marshall) + LC reasearch report
9 + 3 =12 = essay ( i think) + probably more tests (because we haven't had any geo or bio test)
9 + 2 = 11 = preparing presentation + bio practical report
9 + 1 = 10 = maths test + bio practical (charles)
9 = almost but not yet.... insanely academic. =p


Sigh. I work less play only. And this is bullshit.

We all are good actors.

And i thought my thoughts were always in a mess. I never expect such a question from my dear BJ. What is true love? For me love is neither true nor false. Neither pure nor unpure as we like to say. Its always just love. For me to love is to give and not expect anything in return.

I mean, if you truly love someone, what can you ask for other than the person you love's happiness? For me, to love does not mean you have to be together. Life is unpredictable. Obstacles come along the way. You cannot force someone to love you nor could you change the script of your life to make it a forever-after like a fairy tale. Love is a feeling God has given each and everyone of us. We can love but its not like we can have each other. Sacrifice is necessary at times. But for me dear bj, death in the name of love is not corny. When you kill yourself for it, it is corny.

I shan't say more shall i. Nor should i touch on discrimination against homosex love because who am i to say. I am just a small creature in God's huge stage. When the audience cannot except such matter, i have no say to it. I guess we all are just good actors.

But i too shall hope for love- One that is willing to accept me for my weakness, one that will respect me as a lady and one that is willing to grow old with me for better or for worst.

I shall still wish you would remain lurus foreba.

~~~~

On another note, CDC again tommorow morning. Perhaps, a little work in the afternoon since the constitution is almost done. The house was cleaned since the day before. The stuffs were bought and prepared a few days earlier.

They're all set for tommorow night. It'll be a late night one.

Marhaban.



Cahaya.

Losing voice.

aaahh the effects of flu. One week of holiday nearly gone to letting immunity works (sleep) and some matters that just won't settle. CDC activities today was nyummy though i came late (i lost my way, still bad with directions) They made cookies but with less than half of the kids. I wish we could come for CDC this saturday too. Or volunteering at Meragang again before them go back to China. A lot of things i guess this weekend.

One step at a time shall we? Now, i think i need to start and finish the first darft of the constitution. Then the rest. i need to stop working this way- relaxing.

Remeniscing old memories. =p more like public humiliation.

Remeniscing. Found old photos ;p yes i do remember my wonderful memories.

from left: Qilah, Me, Buzz and Bakal doctor. This was last year i think at the CDC (before amal Left). Turns our the CDC is a really fun place to be at. All those autistic childrens really remind you how lucky you are to be who you are. God has given you everything and we should use it wisely instead of using it wastefully. I did publish a post on 'two choices' right? where i said, if you're give two hands and two choices to do with it, to shoot a gun or held hands (or something like that) which would you pick.. We have the capability to do the things they can't and yet you can see the determination in them. tssk. We're such a small creature in God's huge stage. One thing about this place too is that... we have memories here don't we. =) i didn't know one of the teacher's turns out to be H____mamam mum.

Again before Amal left. Teaching last minute Choir was so much fun melayan the guys. (gauk berabis) and there is B, the still innocent B. VERY innocent B. and they were sooooo cute. (the kids i mean =p)

aaah how fast time flies. oh wait. i decide to put more.

Suuu and i vaining at the surgical unit's changing room during our attachment. Oh i miss Suhanna! While sitting at the physiotherapy room and listening to the talk on phisiotherapy, we were both thinking of doing that. BUT i khianat hahaha! I didn't expect she'd continue with physiotherapy dream.

At the dentist with my batch of attachment peeps.

This was Buzz before she goes on a diet like now. Ahh good old days where you can just eat almost anything. I like it back then. Anyway, this was in lupa ku nama kadai restoran Thailand di Gadong ah. Aaah sana tah ne. Her parents belanja. And kami sedang lihat juara lagu ka apa. haha.

The T (not for Tiqah but T for Tohoshinki but i liked that idea) surprise from the person in the picture. He brought all of us T from hongkong. Thnx.

This is Dibah before her diet. Oh wait... THERE was never any diet =p hahaha just aspirations and packs of dream. wuuu. This is Dibah before her britney-pre-baby abs. =p hahaha I'm not exactly sure di mana but i really think this is at aneka rasa before we go on survey for the temburong charity dinner =p HAHAHA.

Me. working. And dieting. Haha. admin work is beech. But thank god for Burger King that Amal bought for me from KL =p wuhuuu. I laps burger king. in less than a month i went from admin to teaching. I didn't realise that i am quite attached to what i did. AND so public announcement: I am still working every ____ night. just not there. though i don't think i'll earn more than what i earned last year. laps.

I almost forgot about this pic. This was when this person is hiding at the back of the car while Buzz is driving because he saw his relative (or dad i think) at the roundabout too. Yeah. You might forgot but i remembered. And that is his cap trying to cover his mouth. Walaupun sudah betapuk di bawah.

Dayang chairperson and i. =p I liked this congress lots eh. it opened my mind.

This was one of the days we hung out at BJ's crib. But he was so damn innocent this time. see anak dara smile =p we used to go there almost everyday and hang out or so. and then this was after Mr beijing went for his interview (because he wore baju sekolah in the other pics) dayang Dalian and Mr Beijing played badminton while we (or I) watched.

if i'm not mistaken. it was also when Buzz went rolling down on the cement floor masa badminton. That'd gotta hurt a lot.

Nice to reminisce.

Keeping quiet.

Because words can't explain.



Hmm. i am a busy gal =p. I just want to blog because i need to tell people how much i love geography now. Hahaha! i mean i find it seriously interesting now (i know i complained about it before) but it seems like the more i study about it the more i found a reason for my love for travelling. I am a biased biologist after all. Nevermind. I really wish there is a away i can study geography not only as a supporting course. (i too have been geography-less for a couple of years) Anyway, my mood is no where near good yet. Not until i sorted out everything and get my studies on track and figure if Dr C is not holding anything against me for coming late (because i thought the timetable starts at 1) and eating chocolate in his class (because really i didn't know we're he made it a point we can't) or otherwise. Until then i'll just have to bear with my worries. I still do love bio too you know.


And to our new bio sci baby, byl. Now you feel us bio sci studs right? Tuesday is really my monday. I have something a little extra lagi on tuesday. Malas i cerita dulu. Pokoknya i just went back home at 9+ pm lah. Bah nights. Saya kan keluar bilik. Melihat sinetron si dude harlino berlakon =p hahahah!

And CDC esok! hope tommorow is better.

Windy.

My mood is deteriorating. And deteriorating. And deteriorating. Sorry for the unpleasant weather i am bringing. There are a lot of things that dissapoint me right now. three of it being the cancellation of todays practical because the tide's high, bhavg dormancy (although D and i have talked about it and we've got plan. We have to meet up soon. jgn dlu spread much) and MATHS. AND...


Its just that things are only far when you make it that far.


And it's so far to reach right now. A barrier seem to have risen. Like allopatric speciation, we are becoming further further apart. I am not sure if i can keep up with it anymore. I am not sure how i can deal with it anymore. I am not sure how we are going to keep this up anymore. I am really not sure how to pretend that the line is fractured. I am sure one of us or two of us can pretend to be so. But hmm. I just don't think i can without feeling under the blues.


So i might just. MIGHT just. hhmm be a little quiet.


Anyways. I love you my bio mates. We only have each other still right.

Guilt.

Hmm eventhough it is tiring, biology is fun:

All day field practical to Pulau Bedukang on friday. And another practical on saturday. Amazing right? None of those butt aching lecture only course. I need to prepare physically. It'll be a VERY tiring weekend.

Anyways, UBD open day will be on soon and i might have to do something for it =/ AND today is KCC activity number 2- Korean culture day. weee. (i REALLY hope i can make it. Hope someone won't keep me too long with the meeting.) Prepare mentally and physically (i.e sleep more) for the field practical's exhaustion since we have a practical the next day too.

Also, i need to spend more time or my whole free day to make up for my absence from class this 1pm. There you go. I will miss this class =( And i don't like it. Crap eh.

ILY J hudson.

Gone with the wind. Its been crazy. crazy stormy. Okay not. Just in my head. lots and lots of things. and this headache. Galviscon or gavicon or what ever its called isn't working quite well.

I should not give a damn.

Nites.

I want to eat jab chae!

There is about a million things that frustrate me right now. Some should know what that is. And now i have spent the last faking internet hours searching for a new motivation for me to study...something i can look forward to while going through tough times. Now my motivation is nil and i need to search for something again even if its still under construction. And not to mention finding someone to go with too because i can't take pictures on my own. damnit. Furthermore, i am turning 20 at the end of this year and that frightens me. My previelages will end at 21 and i am running against time here.

In addition to that, the thought of turning 20 really does frightens me. i mean.. that is the borderline between the "18 and legal" and "i was 18 not a while ago and i am always 18 forever" I really do want to stay 19 forever and that is not possible.

And while some people have become more beautiful and kurus (take si dayangku for example) i have not. No i still seriously think i am not beautiful. I have long neglected beauty care and i don't really care what i wear. and i have LINES on my neck! And i have more lines on my palm! Its not smoooth and i care more about that that any other features. so i guess i'll spend the few days looking for the right cream (the skin food is expensive) to prevent these lines. because i saw a girl with pretty face but lines on the neck just spoils it =( Sighs. Yes i am paranoid okay. I don't care if my face is getting chubbier. Just not the neck. hmm i guess weight gain has to do something with it too. Note to self: stop eating apple pies and cupcakes.Yes i gained a lot. (i just weighted myself) and i do not regret eating.

I am also surfing to find out which tea i should drink daily because i sort of drink pu erh tea now. I think i should drink oolong more. It says in website pu erh can reduce cholestrol (oh yes..i am paranoid too regarding cholestrol and artery clog...) hmm yes oolong is the cheaper one but back in China, they call the oolong the 'eternal beauty' like...hmm it burns more fat than green tea too

"the polyphenols found in oolong tea slow down the ageing process "... "Prevents skin damage "

but

"Anaemics should avoid excessive tea-drinking " ..."Too much tea can discolour your teeth. "

hmmm. I should worry less. Out. I want to eat jabchae. Need some potential-holiday surfing to do and sleep.