Mau main?

Mau Mau!

True. The only thing that kept me alive is them and MJJ (my versi of BJBJ). You know what, sometimes things take a unpredictable turn in life. Once, you were blinded with happiness, then it goes leaving a scar. But life its not all about cherries, so lets just keep moving forward. If you're tired, stop a while or take a rest but never give up. I've seen worst and yet, i've also seen people moving forward even after the worst has happened. the only way for you to grow is for you to experience right? As Mary case once said, "No pressure, No diamonds!" I'm not close to become a diamond, i know that. I crack under some circumstances too, but at least i won't let anyone treat me the same way as they've treated anyone else. I am special, so treat me with care. You are special too, so you should be treated respectfully. Lets live that way.

Happy CNY to all!

Don't judge a person from its cover, this beech is a good oprah you know.

For a new year with great hopes.

The special thing about you all is that, i can be whoever i make my self to be and you would still call me Tiqah. No protocols, no hypocrisy, no need to suppress the inner me. Maybe i changed a little, but i'd like to think that its for the best. I am not a good person i know that, but thank you for accepting me no matter how i am to you. Sorry for being such a bad friend sometimes. Thanks you so much for everything. Remember this for if i'm gone one day, this shall be how i thank you all for being in my life.


Its our second year, and we should be clear on our goals now. I read a person's blog and i envy that she has a clear goal in her mind. Its such a great goal that she would do anything for it. But no matter how i think of it, my goals in life are funny you know and i cannot change it to suit my biology background. I don't really have a specific goal of where i want to work or what i want to be. My ultimate goal in life is to travel and to contribute to the children and mothers of the world. Maybe because i've seen what its like to feel pain at a young age and to see a mother being abused. Nevertheless, this is a goal right? Haha so i will shall live my life for it. And you should live for yours too.


And no matter how dark life becomes, i shall still be here. But that is up for you to see it for yourself.


Love you all. T.

Should i give up or should i keep on chasing pavements

Note to self: Kumpul duit for May/June/july, jangan makan macam orang kaya saja, buat report on time!




Even if it leads nowhere.

Dumping thoughts.

It occurred to me....its been a while since i sing. But every time they put on the music, I just feel like dancing. I laughed and i laughed because i don't want to cry about petty things. However, those petty things are small because i made my mind to think that its just a small matter. But what are we going to do? Sometimes what the mind made us think is not the same as what the heart has to say... hmm. It feels awful and yet, i must not whine. It feels painful and yet i must smile. The brain can tell us what to do or how to act but we can't lie to ourselves.


Its been a while since i sing. It does hurt a little.


On another note, while i do think the talk on Ulum-adin is an excellent effort to enforce religious sense in all of us, i still think you cannot force someone to do those things. It must come from the heart and i believe in everyone of us, we all are fighting the demons within us. You cannot judge a person religious-wise. I've been told, "itu urusan dia dengan tuhan. Sedangkan pelacur yang memberi makan seekor anjing lagi masuk ke dalam syurga". We only judge a person from what we can see, what they say and what they do. But can you see prayers? No, definitely not. Only the Al-mighty can. I am not religious, i would agree on that. I made and make countless of mistakes and i acknowledge that. And i know some of us will feel or have done the same too because we're still human. But whether i/you/we ...are good or bad, its not anyone else to decide but only Him. I know its a difficult step to take especially for me but i cannot do this alone... lets just stop judging.


And on another different note (or maybe same), i do get the feelings sometime that some people think of me as a bad person. I am undisciplined, i know. But i never said i am a good person. If you think i've changed, its because i am just like this but you never really get to see this side of me. Its just so easy to lose your way round. I am trying my best, but are you trying your best too to know and accept me for who i am?

hmm. I don't know what to say anymore. I feel so tired. Its just so tiring.

I need a dance because this heart is beating... slow.

Equinox

I visited PTEM website and look what i found! Somehow, i missed this so much. My batch were the second batch of equinox committee and we were working hard every time.

The O-levels were out and my brother did okay. he's just upset that he got a b for a-maths and english and i couldn't understand why he's upset with such result. I mean 6 As is good enough i think. Well i do understand he's upset, he worked very hard for it and has some goals in his mind. But i am more upset knowing the fact that he obtained a distinction 1 for his design and technology subject and this subject is NOT offered anywhere in Brunei (for form 6 that is) except in the ultra expensive JIS.

Sigh. Am i am still doing the same mistake i am doin each year- procrastinating.

no more please!

Would you give it all up?

Grammy Award performance of Gaga and Sir Elton John. One of the BEST YET.

Hectic.

Mission: become superhuman. Master map info by friday, finish 2 reports in one week, study statistics before saturday test, and many other things. I've been moody lately. I don't know why. Or maybe i do. maybe its because of the things i have to do. haha.


I miss them so much. especially her: Hoai! She's from Viet nam and she's the first person i talked to during the workshop. She taught me a lot about vietnam language. And we share heart to heart stories at night before we sleep in KBFSC Ulu Belalong.

Yeah that is how it looks like in Belalong field studies centre. I somehow told her that life there for 5 days,was like vacation in resort. Listening to the sound of river flow every morning and music from insects every night. A bliss it was!

right is Somony from Cambodia. I miss her so much too. She was sitting beside me during the whole lectures.

And i miss them all. Ulu belalong was definitely a bliss. I miss staying there with them. They were my beautiful memories in Kbfsc.

'

And Hoai and the person in blue black is Chao Han from China!! I miss saying xin chao to hoai and thiet every morning

And Asuka. They say we look like sisters with the teeth and the glasses (she wore glasses too you know)

And marian! and Fikriyah and asuka! I don't know when i'll be able to meet them again. Everytime i go to chancellor hall, i'll definitely remember them. This was during the closing ceremony at Bridex hall. I remembered we just went back from Temburong that afternoon, went to rehearsal straight away! And Princess Sarah talked to Marian haha iski tarus si Marian.

I'm not saying life now isn't fun, there will always be fun when you're with your friends. I just miss our moments in Asem.

Where there is biology, there will definitely be fun. With Tobi the frog (names after Tobias Menig, the ASEM poarticipant from German who will be in Brunei again to study on Frogs)

And then aku kena naikkan pangkat jadi mummy and daddy with Edi oleh the bioscience. Start of our BEJAUR, hahaha this was in Tutong, a random jalan2 with them after class on FRIDAY! (yes, we have class on friday too unfortunately)

And finally our fieldtrip to Pulau Bedukang yesterday On a friday again! we went to UBD at 4.45 AM. I knoww. But we have to catch the low tide to do our field work. My group was Dr C's group. we studied the vertical distribution of fauna within a 100 x 25 m transect. It was divided into four quadrates and each quadrates has 3 people and my quadrate recorded data of around 104 animals (within that 2 hours) Like i slept straight away after lab work that night.

It was't at all that bad. It was definitely fun.

Especially when you have to walk into the water to get to the boat. Haha

I had fun despite the hectic. Now its reports time =( That's the pain. I just miss seeing the Asem participants.

We all need to whine sometimes, but not all the time.

For all to think again.

I think some people (and especially me) sometimes forget that you can't make everyone happy. The very least you can do is to respect that people can have different opinions about you. Farting is a human nature (copyright of someone =p). However, pointing fingers at others, too, is a human nature. We try so hard pointing the finger to someone else, that we sometimes forget that we had a fair share of mistakes too.

I think ASEM '10 workshop taught me quite a lot on biodiversity but what i cherish the most is the one mentioned by two distinguished lecturers. What they said simply means that you can't see one thing only from one perspective (when referring to forest cover and climate change). There are others to consider such as our welfare. You can't just talk about stopping carbon emission and hope that you can save the earth, without considering the impact it would give to society. I will apply that thought to other things in life.

Don't narrow your mind to something you think it is. You may not always be right. Look things from different angles. When people have given their full commitment, think of what you have contributed. People don't always agree with each other, i know, but its just childish to hide behind your blames and claims.

I understand what ever things that has happened or happening in my life now, i may have done a terrible mistake. I am only human and i sometimes get side-tracked so i apologise. Maybe somewhat somewhere, i am still waiting for people to forgive me for the mistakes i might have made.



maybe, you too should give time and think about things, from a different view.

ASEM workshop 2010

is officially over. You know 3 days is enough to know a person, but 10 days is enough to form a bond. There were some people i grew very close to during the workshop. We sat at the dining table and talk about life or in our rooms and talk about more private things. Ivana told me i'm a strong girl for not crying. hmmm i guess i may have accepted the fact that people may come and go but as long as you keep in touch, then its okay. I do feel sad looking at them leaving the place, i mean who knows when we would ever meet them again. But i hope when we do meet again, we'll be more successful in what we do and we'll be happy with what ever path we chose. I will definitely go to belalong again for field eco 2 next year but this time it won't be with them. So when i sit down at the dining table, i'll always remember them and the ghost stories we share.


I'd like to thanks the organizers, Dr Kam and student volunteers and everyone who made this a memorable one. Not to mention, the government who paid our stay in rizqun and meals.


Now its back to reality. I need to be mentally ready for semester 4. I need to pay back what has been given to me this 10 days. I know i have not done enough so i will pay back this way. May semester 4 be a pleasent one with better grades. Amin.


Lastly, a little contribution makes a big difference. Help Haiti.

Asem 2010. What they do and who they are inspired me.

I had my fun now its time to commit.

So it starts. The ASEM workshop on Climate Change. I hope these 10 days are fun and not too stressful. I think its natural to be intimidated when your cup aren't as full as theirs, when they are masters student who have gone through the things we are about to go through. Hmm. I'm not great or charming or even intelligent, that's what i am worried about. And what i like to read aren't usually Biology but my very small collection of books i do read, are that of history. I find them precious though because i know not many own the collection i do (even if its small).

As an addition, i brought Tales of old Peking by Derek Sandhaus for 400000++ rupiah (about BND60 plus). The book is a collection of excerpts about old Peking and pictures, and mostly about how the westerners felt old Peking was. Although mostly its quite insulting but hey its still nice to know what one felt about other cultures. I bought Early kingdoms of Indonesia and Malay archipelago too. I think its time i recall what has been learnt as basic in Primary and lower secondary. In the process, you get to learn about Brunei too (just like when we had MIB lessons, it was interesting. But then while walking at Alun-alun store in Grand Indonesia Mall, i found the Srivijaya and Majapahit books with more than half the price in Kinokouniya. Ofcourse, its in Indonesian.

I like learning new things, culture or what ever. I guess... i'll survive these 10 days.And when the results are out (which i expect that it will be damn disappointing), a miracle will happen, everything turns out to be fine and there is no failure.

I'll be staying at Rizqun for the first 5 days and will be going to Kuala Belalong field studies centre for another 5 days (and i am NOT fit huhuh i hope i am after all those loke walk to ratu boko and all ) The delegates from other countries have started arriving last night and more to come today. My supposed roommate (the girl from Latvia) has problems with her passport and hence, she could not make it. Meaning i have the room to my self. NOT. The volunteers will be there, i'm sure of it =p

Here's one of the photos while in Jogja:

Salam. I will be missing 4 days of school too btw. So see you. Loves T.

I sort of miss one place.

Looking back in time.

On new years eve, while in Grand Indonesia Mall, Jakarta, someone asked me about my new year resolution. Honestly, i didn't feel like that night was the turning point of a new year. While the Indonesians were getting ready to celebrate at the circle or at Ancol (where the celebs will be!) with their trumpets, i didn't feel like there is a need to celebrate 2010. Time flies fast and it feels like just a few months ago, i made a new year resolution to start studying earlier at every semester. Yet, that is one of the many resolutions i failed to achieve. I have mixed feelings about 2009.

New ties were formed. Old ties became loose. Dreams were shattered and so was confidence. New hopes were born from unexpected results. Trust was betrayed and it shook my world. But others were there to pick you up. Failed badly or a the brink of failing but your friends were there to accompany you through it. New places were seen and old places were revisited.

There were a lot of turbulence in the air, sometimes its stuffy, sometimes it's comfortable but what matters the most is, the journey had been gone through. That was my 2009. I have made many mistakes and less good deeds. So may that be reversed this year.


That isn't my new year resolution though. Haha i only wish that i will drain my potential to full use and yield the best i can in whatever i do. (what ever i do includes studying) Thank you to everyone, because you accompanied me through 2009 regardless of whether you were a friend or a foe.

Love T.

Home. Happy 2010.

Back and tanned. and tired. In Yogyakarta (or jogja), the sun blazes your skin in the morning, and rains heavily in the afternoon. And yes, we literally slept in the bus for one night, from Jogja to Bandung. And we bathed in a hot spring near the Tangkuban Perahu.

Its more or less like camping.


And oh, i spent new years eve in the airport. Happy 2010 people. Forgive me for my mistakes in 2009 and hope that i shall not do the same again.

Always, and always will be..a traveller.

Tanah jawa, here i come.

See you when the school reopens. Loves T.

Because of you

I like Ga hee/Kahi but ofcourse i like the blond girl (without bangs) voice too. Suka suka. hahaha

You left me speechless.

To onemanga readers, i never knew Bloody monday is an interesting one.

A new dawn.

One: What had past is a lesson for the future.

Two: Whining doesn't bring anything but failure.

Three: Others may talk bad about me, but i must not talk bad about others.

Four: Talk less, give more.



May all these be achieved. Amin. Happy New Hijrah year!

Oh dear.

Oh dear.

She told me "there would be more risks than the benefits". Now, i know what she meant. What torture this will be. If you're wondering...no not yet.

Ps- I have passed the letter to the HQ. Still waiting for the call.

Drugged and updates.

Me

One thing i like so much about antibiotics is that, that make your skin looks good and the pain is gone. Other than that, hmm i guess i had consumed an unhealthy dose of antibiotics this year (i remember the doctors prescribed antibiotics three times because of my persistent sore throat...ofcourse all at different time of the year) and now 2 more for my gums. In case you're wondering this years birthday isn't the greatest because i endured one week of pain on my gums and jaw during the final exam week and i couldn't even eat anything right. So i googled to see if i should see the doctor. And i did. Turns out i had gum infection and pus was oozing out from the site of my 'difficult extraction' (as quoted from the dentist) and again, i got my injections and they cleaned it out and inserted some bitter thread-like substance in the home in my gum and i'm good with my antibiotics. because i can eat! hmm but at times it still bleeds. i think i lack the right nutrients.


Anyways. THANKS a million to those who greeted. and thanks for the prayers too. I shall remember that. and also to the one who called. =) Thanks too for the gifts.


please do not kiss and tell dear. I 'd rather what i had to say and pour out from my heart stays. I don't want the weather to be more terrible than it is now. And happy belated birthday Ridha (5th dec) and Nikki (9th dec) and advanced birthday K (11th).



and my music

This also hooked me up! WOWSA. like watching this can make you a lesbian like a while (if you're a girl) haha. I like Kahi (i believe she's the one in the middle from 0.07 and the one with the awesome rapping) After school Because of you.





And my TV
i'M HOOKED with 90210. And still waiting for new Gossip girl. Korean drama- Cinderella man is nice, but i like brilliant legacy (the story line is brilliant!) more. AND city hall is a bit boring at first but seriously, if you just had the patience to watch it until the first few episodes, its actually funny and addictive. And DRAMAS- Japanese drama Kare naru spy is funny (penyeluru lah ceritanya) I'm starting to watch psych too. I like solving-kinda movies okay. And i've been getting fun stuffs from history and geographic channel too. siuk ah haha.Yes i watched all these because i'm a superwoman who has a lot of time to watch TV and not to study.


OTHERS

Gossip girl going manga? Hahah i hope MY chuck bass is still hot even as a cartoon.




exams? no need to ask. I might have errr terkandas 2 papers meaning i hope i'll make it to a passing mark for ODE and for Genetics. AMIN. And algebra too. Okay i'll be MIA for a bit until i felt like i've rested enough. Besides i still don't have wireless at home and with 2 brothers to compete for the internet, i dun stand much of a chance. Loves.


HEY GIRL!

Ed makes charity so sexy.

If there is anything that can un-depressed me, its either jacob black, Chuck bass and everything in between.



ed aka CHUCK BASS makes charity so sexy. So does kellan.

I want to be..... =)

I guess that 4 days training did pay off. I mean, you don't have to remember everything they taught you, nor will you remember all (because the 'moral of the stories' are a lot) but most of the time...when you're nearly 'off tracks', the things they taught us really did come to us.

And its day 2 from the 'ordeal' in dentist. Urgh. The injections are making my jaw hurt right now really bad. we've always taken for granted the nerves and vessels around the jaw and you think one teeth moving just because there is 'less bone support' doesn't hurt. IT DOES. like seriously. They tried to save my teeth with less bone support as indicated after xray (pasal they missed that part) and yet it hurts like my jaw is going to fall off. I mean, when they told me i might go into surgery for that yesterday..i was thinking that might not be bad at all... i won't feel anything anyway, its better that having to open your mouth for almost an hour while two doctors try to save that bit. But now when all the numb is gone, and i still have the teeth they succeeded in saving.. it hurts. The painkiller didn't work that much. =( I hope tommorow it'll be okay. i can talk normally and smile widely. Amin. (yes even smiling hurts)


4 more days to you-know-what and i will be MIA okay. i might even shut my phone off. Because while growing up is interesting, aging is not. And i feel the latter. I don't want you to remind me how old i am. Yes. If you haven't noticed, i have a problem with growing old, because i realize that means i have less time in the world to do the things i have not done. And anti aging cream doesn't usually work that well. Okay bye. Salam

In pain.

MIA

You know its fun to stay up late with friends at UBD while studying and having our occassional 'iklans' and talking about stuffs (which are most of the time rated R) Its nice to have their company. Exam was aweful. Its always aweful but the great thing is (cross out the fact that i did not know AT ALL a few questions worth 10 marks each) that i did not regret even if there were a lot of mistakes here and there because i've cast aside sleeping and did the best i could.

Regret is a terrible feeling. Thank god you have friends who are truly friends to lift you up for the next exam. For Plant and Animal phylo, i hope my friends who have been studying with me all night long since last week at UBD and i, will pass. Amin. Only god knows how terrible we felt during those study sessions.



Sometimes you think you know a person but then they act differently than you thought they'd be. People act differently in different environment just to jaga hati. I am honestly an open and not so good of a person, but i've never been this open about some 'stuff' (that you'd honestly never think i'd know) with anyone, other than them. Good thing is, they don't judge (openly) because they've come to understand, that is how i am. Mystererious words i am putting here. hahaha but lets say you've put inside your mind that i am some nerd who studies hard and stays in a 'shell'. Let it stay that way in your mind, until i decide to drink super power and crawl out of my shell to open myself up to you and probably dance to cascada at the foyer.


There is more to life than internet (or no life at all since the exam started) so forgive me for not checking my emails of facebook. i am watching new moon before my other exams. And i've got a surprise for people next year.


You know i love you. But do you love me too?

xoxo