Now throw your hands in the air!!

I'm back. and i LOVE 2NE1 still! Addictive. Love CL. and CL's hair. Lihat the dance while dara was singing.





i didn't realise that we're halfway through the semester. Shoot. no more playing around. Its real business now. i just got my internet back =) Blogging properly soon. But wait. i need to settle down with my new semester first. No i have not done that. so salam.

MIA

I don't care.

Its not like i've ever cared.



I just like to flood people's CBs okay,

Zero.

To be honest, if there is no aim, there is no fun in life right? Last semester my aim was i wanted to enjoy holidays so i study a bit just for the holidays. Ofcourse this time its the same. I wanted to make full use of my long holidays. SO now no hypocrisy there ei. I have mentioned that i will try to plan some activity for my long holidays.

Last time i dreamt of someone. I texted that person but the she didn't recieve it. And i recieved a text minutes after saying she missed me and asking to go online.


now i dreamt of you. i hope everything's fine.

and who is you? its up for you yourself to find out.

it rains. and it rains and rains and it still rains.

I miss.

Eventhough the talk was just for a while..

It was enough for me.

I misses you you seriously.

i don't care if i makin lawa di mata mu. Pasal lawa lawa pun alum ada orang beguna kan aku...kamu ja tergoda selalu =p

And i realised now, that only within a month, i've listened to all the voices and the smiles i miss. All.

and that is all it takes. i miss.

Isolation.

I can't see your sadness.
And you won't understand mine.
I am selfish.
I can only see what i want to see,
So why bother.
This couch is so comfortable.
I want to stay a little bit more.



On another note, PS- thanks ridha!! haha italian? i need 'motivation' dicaprio is only half italian and doesn't speak italian at all =pp your exams coming soon kan sis? GOOD MARKS.good marks to zirah too ah. I haven't been logging in to the net much. Loves. Yeah do tell her. hehe.

i finally get the way this might work for me....



its fine this way. it really is.


and aku species pungguk baru. =p evolusi sudah. merindukkan bintang tia. Tiada bulan. titik.

Tawakal.

Just a few mondays ago i planned my next mondays.

NOW ONE BIG MONDAY IS COMING.

Hitting fast like a strong swash.

and after this coming monday, the days are going to be tight... Like someone's skinny jeans.

With a can of caffeine and a lot of worries, i can't say i am ready. I am scared. Shet scared. My heart beats twice as more. My hair is getting lighter and lighter. And i can't sleep without feeling guilty.

Here i am. Today. On a saturday.

Wishing it was two saturdays ago.

Good marks to me. Good marks to you. Amin.

Whatever happens... Thank you for being there when i need you. =)

Terima kasih.

11 11 is leonardo's birthday. =p




I nag a lot don't i? Thank you for accepting it. yes. Apperently, i don't nag only to one or two person. I will do the prep talk to everyone when i feel like giving one. But still it made my day that you accept my nagging. karena. atleast it made me feel like some people know me and accept all those. And I WILL BITCH more than you if you become disrespectful again. And sorry for menghasut tadi =p

Be if a bitch if you feel like it. just stay straight ( di bold lagi tu. ku pajal) =pppp



on another note, peeps. i feel so guilty. I have been mean to people. I should just shut up and let people talk about other people. Whatever. that person has been nice to me. I feel comfortable with that person so whatev. sigh.

Kenangan manis.

Long post. As someone said in bio lab. Angin bertiup.

I can now say, i have officially dissapointed myself in Biology. I talk about my love for biology and yet i have not done well.. and i have dissappointed myself once again. yes, today's practical was one of the most interesting yet, pulling out the heads of crickets and seperating its tiny mouth parts. They look so crunchy and yummy to be honest. =p It reminds me of the fried crickets the Thais use to sell in the streets of bangkok. Not to mention bitchy lab key holder just now that makes our day just a little ~!()&#wdehFAK_IT#*&(xsbjxs. But despite that, i handed it in even though its not finished. Another major dissapointment. (after ma1101)

And we've got the draft of this semester finals already and my final ends at 6 dec. =((( What a gift. Due to practical, and the pressure of upcoming final semester.. we went to eat our frustration.

I noticed that the place we eat changes. we now go for nihon no ryori instead of kankoku no ryori. We do still go for korean but not as much as to japanese. do you notice that? I guess while we are trying to lie to ourself, create a facade and adapt our lives without the people we spend most of our waking hours with, our mind unconciously go for something new. Because those old ones..old hanging out place, there are full of memories with you..those who are far from us. Unconciously, we are avoiding that place, because your laughters are still embedded there. Your foot prints. They are still warm. I see shadows of you there. And unconciously, we want it to be warm until the next time we get together. Unconciously, our body is trying to divert away because that things we always do...will never be the same without you.

Its a new thing we do. Escapading after something frustrating. And for escapading, the bunch of you bio peeps will do (and sorang yg ukan bio=p) because you peeps made my night a night! =))). Aku sayangs kamu berabisan. aha walaupun aku malu ada yang ketawa basar ada yg tesiruk, te sadu. ter puk the chong. you still made my day.

Its true what someone said..... kenangan manis ni.


I guess... this is life. and this will be life for the next...4 years? its a lie to say that i have adapt. I'll always miss even when i refuse to say. But i guess its time to settle down. and blend in with the tesiruk laughters.


kepada siti nur petat. u agree kan wat i say tadi. bah carikan ku melayu. lelaki melayu inda beguna wa bini2 mua mcm cina. Bureng i =p aku inda mau lelaki cam si feeling mu =p anak orang buleh la. ah byl aah.=pp skinny jeans...lenggang walk =pp *hyper ku kekanyangan*

and i said to someone once, that story is just like what we've been through.

"It’s our last chance, to share the stage. Before we go our separate ways. High school wasn’t meant to last forever..."


out. I gotta something due this sat and saya belum habis =S

Kamu berdua.

Adang bah eh. I am living life happily so far. So. I'm am over it just like you. Hehe. Beraya berabis lagi ku. and begambar sama poster leo arh cineplex. so adang.I am not being dramatic. You people are the ones making me dramatic. =p hehe. Kamu ani mengundang kata kata dari belakang. Although, if you notice aku ani mudah perasan walaupun aku inda tau semua... tau jua ku ada sudah suara belakang atu. And i know some. =pp

Thanks to you know who you are for the treat.

I am living life and getting fat(ter). But wth. I hate being fat but i'll deal with it eventually.

Ps- Ada concert jazz plus dinner organised by BMS di sheraton on the 18th. its $50. Aku mau ikut...tpi kalau nada dangan... and and banarnya aku ada wa gambar kan di upload. gambar ku besayang sama poster leo. ( jadi tah poster saja =p) Tapi lambat wa upload. So aku malas tia. hehe


Nevertheless... aku still sayang kamu semua.

Love is all around.... i really am out of place.

='( cuma tuhan yang tahu betapa sebak ku melihat...

The people around me. Family. friends. so caring. So kind. Sometimes i feel, like i don't deserve to be around. There is less i can do for them. Sometimes i feel, that the aggresive personality i've built over the years have no use at all. I still cannot be as strong as nini. as them.

And i never felt so happy during the past first day of raya. Things never go right. but this time i met.. family. Those i have not met in a very long time. Those who couldn't come to nini on the first day because of someone.

someone said, "makcik tak kisah ko benci sama makcik ka. tak suka kah. satu ja makcik pinta sama kao. yang penting ko selalu ingat sama _____" Cali jua eh. I am not you kali ah. How can i forget my last name? Hmm. Asking me to respect when she doesn't respect her mak mentua at all.

Wishing all a happy raya. Enjoy life while you're still at it. And no matter who we become, always remember those who cared for you when you cannot care for yourself. salam.

Love all around. and yet... i am out of place.

Selamat hari raya maaf zahir dan batin.
Tulus ikhlas dari hati.

Kalau ada terkasar bahasa tersilap kata atau perbuatan kurang elok dari ku, maafkan ah. Halal kan semua selama perkenalan kitani.

This and that and a lot.

.


I miss...some things.

a lot.

i really do. ='(

I wanna go shopping too....

Its been a long wait since i've longed to land on your heart.

Announcement: if it is confirm by tonight that this will happen. I have an announcement for my best buddies. if not.... apa bleh buat. Inda jua dpt dipaksa. the time will come..

curious kamu psl apa?? unfortunately its not about what u think it is about... =p hehehehh (sapa pikir lain a ketara ta utaknya lain atu =p) bah back to my project. Yg aritu bru trial. Ani kan start ku cuba membuat banar2 nya bah. mudahan tah menjadi sblm drg belarai. kalau inda. tpaksa ku antar surat cinta arh durang ne (inda mau mau)

Bila rasaku ini rasamu.

i should be on hiatus. nadaba. banarnya kan aku kan post lagu ani kemarin bah. Tapi since ada kawan ku alum mendangar kan... yatah ne ku post.




Aku memang terlanjur mencintaimu
Dan tak pernah ku sesali itu
Seluruh jiwa rela ku serahkan
Mengenang janji setiaku

Kumohon jangan jadikan semua ini
Alasan kau menyakitiku
Meskipun cintamu tak hanya untukku
Tapi cobalah sejenak mengerti

Reff:
Bila rasaku ini rasamu
Sanggupkah engkau menahan sakitnya
Terkhianati cinta yang kau jaga

Coba bayangkan kembali
Betapa hancurnya hati ini kasih
Semua telah terjadi

Back to Reff:

Aku memang terlanjur mencintaimu


As promise: announcement ku utk sahabat tersayang.

Haha aku and si B banarnya ada 'sesuatu' wa utk kamu. Yatah sepanjang perjalanan kami atu saja difikiran ba hehehe. Sekali sambil berbincang2 ada tia salah satu dari 'sesuatu' kami atu sama.... =p yatahh untuk kali ini sahaja ya, untuk kamu ne saja... aku bersedia... nyanyi utk kamu...and vid. (practice plang dulu tu...) SEKALI ANI JA. and aku inda pandai nyanyi kann bukan cam s9i bazilah, si kerol and si billah yatah need practice =p SEKALI ANI JA.

masalahnya..yang kami fikirkan... lagu apa? payah g mencari karaoke ane. haizz =p. Lagu apa bisai aa?? mun nada lagu NDA TA JADI TU ku nyanyi tuk kamu kali.. outie. kan sambung buat trial 'project' ku kemarin. haha menguji kehalusan seni tangan ku banar 'project' ku ani. haha (alum plang halus usulnya hahahaha)just wait and see siapa ampit.

anggap aku tak ada.

Before resuming to my current state of pretences and silence....

On the contrary...

Your eyes may tell something
but its your heart that i cannot read.

Besides.We are only human. And human makes mistakes. You may slipped the truth a second when i could catch it. and i might misread.

So don't worry. You are still hiding.
sorry.Just don't mind me. I'm a pain in the ass. I know.

now no more.i'm tired too. the stage awaits.theatrics must go on you know.

Mencuba bertahan sekuat hati.

Even the loudest music can't help what i feel now. I tried not to cry but i don't know how much i have to suck my stomach just so these tears won't fall. I am not confident in myself anymore. I don't know if i can do it...suck my stomach, stop the tears and smile. I'm sad. Why? I'll just tell you one. And the rest... i won't say.

Because saying this to them is impossible now... this is for the people who are very very close to me.you know who you are.

Do you know how sad it makes me when one of you is sad. Or how worried i will be when one of you is worried. It just breaks my heart. I know that this is most probably why you won't say anything to me but then when i ask you what is going on.. or when i say "tell me that story you have not told"...you say there is none when there is clearly something- that saddens me even more.

You all cannot hide from me you know that.

You think you can but this is T you're talking about. I can't say i know everything. Because i cannot read your heart. Hati manusia siapa yang tahu. But your actions...you yourself... you can't hide from me. Then again my instincts might have even hit the bulls eye on what is battling within your little minds and hearts. When one of you say 'orang lain pun ada jua problems' i know that.

Faham ku kalau reason kamu buat cematu spaya org inda susah hati. That won't work for me! sebab aku kenal siapa kamu. Aku tau cemana senyuman kamu kalau kamu paksakan. Aku tau cemana senyuman kamu kalau kamu sedih. Ulah kamu kalau kamu susah ati. and how sincere you're laughs would be when you're truly happy. I kenal sapa kamu. So saying that nothing is wrong or trying to hide anything from me is useless.

I want to lessen your burdens. i want comfort you when you're down. But i can't do that when you don't share. I can only do it my own way.... i have tried to do my own way..i just don't know if you noticed. And soon..... things will change. A few of these people i know...might be leaving.. but that's another story for another time. I just want these people to know... i came to knew you over the days we spent together...

I'm always here if you need me.

can you all see me?.

Even when you're far.... i'll still be here.




Always will be here. I will never go away.



Now will you tell me the story you have not told?

If so.... Nin can you stay for a while?

uits si Nina. jgn check blog time kerja bebeh =p sorry i disturbed you while you have a lot to do kemarin. hehehh

I know what you think i'm trying to do is a silly thing. esp when it won't do good for me. (hehe you did that 'ko cuba utk....?' with a hint of surprise there. jgn ko mcm2 =p) but ntah.. i guess i have changed a lot didn't i since the last time we spent our days together a lot? for better. because i want the people around me to be happy. That made me reckless. it has made us reckless. i know you know what i mean.

If everything else leaves... u stay for a while okay. Carry me through everything just like you always do.

And it has to be you...coz.. only you...i can't hide from. because you... will always tell.

T to Nina.

あ め

='(

Ame desu.

it just won't stop.

Nandesuka kono kimochi?

I still don't know. Still mixed. I can't sort out what from what.

Sedih ku ja.


Thanks for calling babe. Coz really... i was off my balance. You know how off i was since the past few days. Luvs u. Dun ever change sis.

The story you have not told.

I was sad in my sleep.

Funny huh?

If only my mind isn't challenged with questions and worries. That is why recently i've been hinting on someone to tell me the stories i have not been told. Only then perhaps things will be better. Trying so hard to do make it so. But then the only solution came in my dreams. An end to everything. It ends with a stab to the heart and yet i was still pretending. Even in my sleep. And it hurts more than i think it would in reality. Perhaps this whole life belongs on stage- play with emotions and people will be entertained.

So now....tell me the story you have not told. Because, i would like it to be this way, even if it ends with a stab wound.