The day i turned 21

I spent the morning of my birthday just googling around things i can't have and thinking of ways to get some finance so i can get those things. But, infact, i'm just trying to pujuk myself cause i don't think i'll be able to get it this year. Sighs. I planned that i might be able to get one by the end of this year, i was being too optimistic, thinking money would fly to me. I underestimated my spending abilities haha. anyways... I'll just have to continue googling these stuffs and decide whether i should get a lomo camera instead since lomo's are 5 times cheaper than a dlsr. I can't decide. Or maybe i'll just have to let both go this year haha and save up to get it next year. and seems like the travel plan's been changed again. The previous destination has been pushed to next february and i can't come with :( Nvm. Maybe i wasn't ready for it anyway. Now they are trying to discuss our next destination for family travel. Route changes in a short notice, i hope they found a way to get us to that place. I wanted to continue FZ but i just read a bad review about the current FZ that says that the mall's branch has been closed. Hmm i didn't know that and now i am not sure if i want to continue FZ anymore. I guess 21 started with indecisiveness lol.

Other than that, Happy Birthday me. Hope i won't stutter and hope that i exhibit brilliance and leadership in my inteview (that is if the call is not a prank) Salam.

Happy holidays.

Dreaded exam has passed and its holiday. I know i shall enjoy this holiday just like how i enjoy every holiday and i know some might not enjoy it much. I feel so sorry for the loss of our dear friend ben. I know i've been hard on him for quite sometime this semester. I guess after being surrounded by some lost (either family ties or family itself), i tend to ignore the feelings of others who are in the phase of losing. And i kind of have lost my affection towards any fatherly figure a long time ago to know what it feels to love a father so much. I am sure its a wonderful feeling :) So i truly am sorry for any things i've said and so sorry for your lost dear friend.

This semester was not one of my best. I guess i'll just have to try again next semester. And its slowly approaching the end of my 20th! I can't believe i've survive 20 years of test from God. Too many things happened this 20 years. Moved schools. moved houses. bruises and abuses. Running away from 'fear', fighting 'fear'. Losing people along the way, knowing others along the way. Being hurt and hurting others. Success and failures. Laughters and the tears. Life indeed is a balance.

What i've gained in these 20 years was- strength. What i wish 20 years to come is this: to forever never see a man hit or hurt a women in my life again, to find a guy who can make me trust a man again and to have friends who would still trust and care, no matter how much distance have seperated us in the future. This would be my 20 years of birthday gift in advance lah haha.

As for where i am going this holiday, i am not ready to tell people where because even the date has been pushed, so everything else has not been confirmed yet. Besides, i truly am afraid that i might not be ready to go to that place. God knows better i guess. So before that day of travel comes, i'll just stay at home, play games and maybe regain my fitness and lose a little weight (though the last one may be impossible though haha)

Happy holidays people. Hope the exam will turn out fine. Amin.